This is my crib. Come on in. I hope you like the place. Dad changed my sheets today. Pretty sweet, huh?
This is where I like to chill, relax, let loose, just kick it. Sometimes I listen to my mom's iPod. That Christina Aguilera really has something there-- ain't no other man but ME, baby. Think about it, when I'm 20, she'll be... 44. We'll both be in our prime.
Here I am hanging with the Handsome Baby in the Mirror. Man, that dude is always hanging around. Everywhere I look, there he is. Just between you and me, this crib's only big enough for one handsome baby-- you know what I mean?
This is where I entertain my guests. You know, we hang out here, watch the mobile, suck on our fingers-- it's a great time. Hey Max, cuz, you, me, the mobile, and our fingers, man. It's on! That's 4 hands and 20 fingers-- tell your parents to get in the car!
This is my gym. This is where this man of steel has been made. You think my arms look good, you should see my abs. Sometimes I pull on things; sometimes I kick. I do pilates in the afternoon-- strengthening my core muscles, you know. Dad says I'll be sitting up soon, and he keeps saying he's going to tape down my arm so I'll be a lefty because that's the difference between one million and three million dollars. I don't even know what that means. I just want to color. Whatever. Anyways, I do about six reps a day. And with those human growth hormones my mom's been taking and I've been drinking, I'm getting huge.
This is my game room. Guess what we do in here? That's right! We sleep. We sleep in here most of the time. I recently got a high score on the rattle.
I don't know how that soccer ball got in here. That's not mine. Soccer's for wussies. I'm an infant, and I could kick this ball down a field.
Hang on-- I gotta take this.
I'll just be a second-- it's this chick I've been dating. She wants to be a lot more serious than I do. I'm not ready for that sort of commitment yet.
Here's me in my library. I read in my spare time. This is one of my favorite books. I've got a few magazines under my mattress. Don't tell my mom.
You know we've got to check out my fridge. I've been on the road lately, so I just have the necessities. Lots of frozens. Shout out to my man Tito. Where've you been, Tito? I stopped by last week and no one was home.
This is my ride. I take it around the block every now and then. It's got new rims...Sun roof...It corners like it's on rails.
So this is my crib. Thanks for coming. I hope you liked it. Feel free to leave your comments. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Now get out! It's nap time.