Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Unbalanced

Apropos of nothing, I'd like to give you some tiny pictures of Jack drinking. They're my dad's from Facebook. Anyone know how I can embiggen? I need my Jack-dration pics full screen.




I have really started to hate the balance metaphor I've been reading so much about lately.

Every women's magazine I subscribe to (which is a lot, and Redbook is my favorite because I am so old and also because I do not subscribe to ladies Home Journal (yet-- I really want to but keep forgetting until I donate my mags to the gym and see all the tattered LHJs on the magazine rack) because if I did, it would be my favorite because of the always repulsive "Can This Marriage Be Saved" column which used to be written by eugenicist Paul Popenoe and makes me want to take the wife by the shoulders, shake her and yell "WHY DO YOU WANT TO SAVE THIS MARRIAGE?) has featured a back-to-school article on balance.

I am supposed to be able to balance my work commitments and my family commitments, and this balance is super easy, they tell me, if only I buy an accordion file to store all my extra crap and hold permission slips and the like, wear flats instead of heels, and start giving myself at home pedicures as a recession concession. Totally! It was the jumble of extra handouts, the stilettos, and all that wasted time at the spa that were holding me back! Now I'll have my forms in on time, won't have to mince my way from car to schoolhouse door, and can finally find that moment of zen hunched over the ledge of my bathtub, foot jammed awkwardly on the wall, boobs and tummy breaking out in hives from being pressed together because I am TOO GODDAMNED OLD TO COMFORTABLY REACH MY GODDAMNED TOES FOR THE TIME IT TAKES TO PUSH BACK 10 SETS OF CUTICLES.

This month's Family Circle or Parents or Parenting-- not sure which-- even tells me I can't take the easy way out when it's bake sale time-- I have to make things from scratch so my kids don't feel like I'm too busy to care about them. My kids who live in 1954, apparently, before moms had jobs, dads participated in school life, and kids had too many allergies to eat homemade baked goods at school.

Anyway, I am in kind of a bad mood today and just feel generally rushed and smushed and out of balance.

But really, Ben and I? We'd have to be contortionists to balance all this shit. Or really, really good jugglers. Either way, too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

But I did make this:

And yesterday, Harry and I did this:

Now all I need is some sensible shoes.

7 comments:

Becca said...

"TOO GODDAMNED OLD..." CRACKED ME UP!!

Also, the ridiculous suggestions by women's magazines re: "balance"--you hit the nail on the head. It's like those "budgeting tips" they give out. Once "the most frugal woman in America" suggested buying your kids' clothing at consignment stores. NO KIDDING?

I guess you need more than "Eh, you do what you can" to sell magazines.

Ilina said...

I am right there with you on the home made baked sale stuff. I bought cookies at Costco and wrapped them up individually for my son's bake sale. If it were really 1954 we'd be schnockered whilst baking. I'm thinking an open gas flame and vodak breath don't mix.

Misty said...

Bigger Facebook photos (I think this will work)...

Click on the pic you want from the gallery screen. Then Ctrl-click the larger version (assuming you're still using a Mac laptop -- otherwise, right click). This will bring up a menu of options.

If you just want to post to your blog, then choose "View Image" from the menu. Copy the URL.

If I remember right (cuz I haven't used Blogger in ages), you can click a button to insert a photo. That should bring up a little window asking for the photo's location. Paste the URL.

No guarantees! :)

P.S. There's no such thing as "balance." It's one of those myths they use to make sure women feel appropriately inadequate. Like "fitness."

P.P.S. I am stoked to try your mom's zuch bread recipe. No more walking past those at the farmer's market, wondering, "what the hell can I put those in, that Doug will eat?"

Amy said...

Ladies Home Journal? Wouldn't you rather be reading Cosmo so you can "Blow your man's mind!" tonight? or "Lose 10 lbs in three days by drinking egg whites"? I have given up on women's mags. Actually, all mags. I never have time to read them. Perhaps that's because I have no balance?

AJU5's Mom said...

I think it is really hard to have it all. I am glad we decided I only needed to work part-time - that is enough to keep me busy these days! Hopefully you will find peace and order soon though!

EAMD said...

I love stilettos.

End of comment.

sarah said...

I always love your commentary on the subject of balance. I don't know anyone who's got it all together and I immediately distrust anyone who says they do, or that they found the answers to balance in a magazine they got in line at the grocery store.

Although I have been eyeing Redbook lately...