Last night, I woke up at 2:30 (also 12:30, 3:46, 4:11, and 6:19) in a total panic about childbirth. The other times I was just rolling over and/or getting up to pee.
I remembered Jack's birth and compared it to Harry's and hoped that I'd be able to go quickly and med-free again this time.
I was not wild about my epidural experience, even though it worked great-- a little too great since I couldn't even feel anything to push. But my baby was so, so, so sleepy and hard to wake to feed, and my recovery was tons harder.
The thing is, I have never been a fan of birth plans because I just didn't want to end up feeling somehow disappointed and less than if my ideal situation didn't work out. So I don't want to pressure myself to be med-free, especially if that's just not in the cards this time. With Harry, I didn't care-- I wanted to try it without the drugs and see if I could handle it Couldn't. With Jack, I didn't realize a med-free birth was possible until I walked into the hospital at 7 centimeters. This time? I really don't want an epidural, but I also don't wan to ruin this experience for myself with unrealistic expectations.
There was something so awesome about walking from my delivery room to my recovery suite carrying my own baby and feeling like my old self less than an hour after birth-- which is when I was able to enjoy a shower. I really want that again, you know?
At least I was up worrying about something legit last night, instead of just being up. Sleep sucks at 34.5 weeks, by the way.