Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Good news: I figured out what needs to happen in my book. Like, it has an actual plot instead of just characters saying clever things to each other. This is clearly a good thing. I mean, that's why I wrote it AFTER THE WORD GOOD.
Bad news: I have still not gotten back into a consistent writing routine.
First I blamed Harry's school schedule because he's up at 6:30 to get ready for school, cutting a solid thirty minutes off my time. But really, you guys, that's not it. He leaves for the bis at 6:45. If I really wanted to write my book, I would figure out a place to steal back those 15 minutes without screaming snowflake about my process. (And, we set the clock back 15 minutes in Dorothy and Coper's room, so if I jump on the elliptical the second Harry leaves, I can do my entire workout before the two of them start freaking out for breakfast. Sometimes, I have to jump on for another 10 minutes or so later in the morning scramble, but it's so doable).
Then, I blamed my online adjuncting because I often use my time before all of the other kids wake up to catch up on grading and messaging. But then I went 8 weeks without a contract and STILL didn't write more. And really, I only put the "more" on the end of that sentence to make myself feel better.
Now, mainly because I am teaching an online class about writing and the first unit delves into the writing process, I am starting to recognize that neither of these is valid AT ALL. If I wanted to write, I would. And since I am not, something is holding me back.
It started when I used the summer as an excuse to slack off because with ben working and me and the kids at home there was barely enough time to teach my online classes, let alone write. Then I eased back into the process in the fall by reading my draft, ostensibly to catch myself up. But really all that did was make me freeze up with failure and judgment for my story. Ultimately, I cut like over 100 pages and got the plot on track, but now I am avoiding the whole thing like it's my dissertation.
Cross your fingers that in two weeks when I am back in the office, I will find loads of time to work. I mean, I am sure I will, but probably on EVERYTHING EVER that crosses my desk as soon as it shows up on my radar and NEVER on my book. Because, my friends, I am starting to realize that THAT is my process.
SHOULD BE WRITING: