tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post1277533048753989361..comments2024-03-29T08:05:42.988-05:00Comments on Harry Times...All Jacked Up: Cognitive DissonanceSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270389106604867450noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-53179514647938008982014-08-17T00:36:32.351-05:002014-08-17T00:36:32.351-05:00There is no way in hell that I could have been a S...There is no way in hell that I could have been a SAHM. It is too hard. I have mad respect for people who like it, but that is not me. I raised four stepchildren from the time they were 5, 7, 9 and 11 years old. It was hard...really hard. Their dad was pretty much their primary caregiver which allowed me to pursue my career and my academic ambitions. I know FT SAHMs who send their kids to day care a few days a week. Nothing wrong with any of that. Each family is different, and their needs are uniquely their own.<br /><br />Several years from now, on a Friday night, you'll find yourself home alone. All of the kids well be out with friends, and you'll be the only one in the whole house. You'll wonder, "How did that happen?" Then it will keep happening. It goes from frenetic to nearly silent in what seems like an instant.<br /><br />You're doing a great job, but you don't need me to validate that. All you have to do is look at those cute kids and your supportive husband to know that you've made the right choices for you and your family!Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01235233696845981043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-22347762156803545222014-08-17T00:34:57.431-05:002014-08-17T00:34:57.431-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01235233696845981043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-40248112595859071312014-08-15T09:54:59.655-05:002014-08-15T09:54:59.655-05:00Just because you want to do something --no need to...Just because you want to do something --no need to do something, does not negate the hardness of it. <br />Let's say you are a lawyer and you need to work these crazy hours for 5 years so you can have the job you really always wanted. It is ok to hate those hours and that job and wish it were not the way to get your goal--it doesn't make your goal a bad one. You could even love those 5 years and love the work you are doing, but still acknowledge the difficulty.JodieGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01484478697104023554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-91132526819161495072014-08-14T12:55:48.578-05:002014-08-14T12:55:48.578-05:00Yep. To everything. We've always tried to have...Yep. To everything. We've always tried to have one of us be home more than not when we could. It was harder when we were both in undergrad and then when I had to work full time while he went to law school, but I chose to work at the day care Elisabeth was going to (so I could see her all day long) instead of pursuing a public school teaching position. I think that sacrificing is the key here, and it's hard and it sucks, but when you look at the big picture, those sacrifices lead to awesome results. There's a lot of pressure to never have to sacrifice something when it comes to having families and that's just not realistic. There's always sacrifices made when you're a part of a family. <br /><br />Plus, part of what sucks is that kids are up in your face nowadays way more than before. Getting a reprieve from swapping kids with friends, neighbors, family members is not as common and letting them run free in the neighborhood is just not as much of a reality either. That's why part time nursery schools are still the bomb diggity. Dude, with Julia going to public school for first grade, I am hunting down somewhere for V to go for a few mornings a week so I don't drop her off at the fire station.Virginiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07722173267382651968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-12593018113902795842014-08-14T11:35:18.471-05:002014-08-14T11:35:18.471-05:00I loved reading this, Sarah, because it was so hon...I loved reading this, Sarah, because it was so honest and real. (Well, full disclosure: I loved reading it once I forced myself to see it for what it was, an honest recounting of a struggle, not a critique of my own choices! DETAILS.)<br /><br />I was explaining to a friend a few weeks ago that becoming a mom is so much more psychologically difficult than I expected, for exactly these reasons. You can KNOW you're doing the best you can and still feel terrible about it--and that is a really impossible way to live. As you know, I love my job, and I do NOT love being a SAHM 8-10 hours a day. I just can't do it, it actually makes me a crappier mom. Putting C in daycare these last two weeks is honestly one of the hardest things I've been through, but I have been a MUCH better mom because I'm not caring for him all day every day. How do we reconcile these competing strong feelings?! It's impossible.Erin Copple Smithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-6430475331098433372014-08-14T11:30:16.305-05:002014-08-14T11:30:16.305-05:00The ability to split kid time 50/50 with Ben is ke...The ability to split kid time 50/50 with Ben is key here. I am on my own from 8-6 no matter what. If I want a career of any kind (and I do) that means daycare. We've looked for options that would give Ryan more flexibility. It's not about career sacrifices in his case, it's about earning enough to support six people plus saving for college and retirement. As you might imagine, this situation is very frustrating to me as his really inflexible job means I must have a VERY flexible job, or no job at all. And while no job at all would be workable in the short term, the break would mean stepping out of my career for good. Our system is broken.<br /><br /> This semester we are doing a Montessori school for the little kids five days a week, which is basically daycare, but given our particular geographical configuration and time limitations, it is this or no job for me. I am happy to get home at 3 pm with all the little ducks back in the house, but yes--staying home with all four is KILLER. This summer was SO SO HARD.<br /><br />I guess what struck a chord for me in your post was the way you've arranged things in support of your belief that being at home is best for your kids. I feel the same way--being at home with siblings and lots of unstructured time is ideal--but in my case, we had to balance that with my need to stay in the career I value and worked hard to earn. So the day is split into two chunks--school and home--for all of us. It may not be ideal, but it's the best way we've found so far to balance the needs of everyone in the family.Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05156777853779141522noreply@blogger.com