Harry Times...All Jacked Up. Now With 100% More Cooper!

Nights

2012-01-28T19:29:00.000-06:00

I think my milk is coming back. No bottles today. Sometimes a faster letdown. Good, long naps.

Nursing Cooper to sleep while I write this, and he managed to get a second letdown 15 minutes in, even. I don't have much time because I spilled an entire bottle of freaking hot pink gas drops all over my bedspread and carpet and I need to keep blotting ASAP. (Gas drops because that single tablespoon of cereal and the 2 or 3 ounces of formula Cooper has choked down since Thursday have rendered him totally poopless, and he is getting annoyed about it).

But Cooper is doing something precious right now, and I wanted to write it down. He wants to sleep next to me all the time, in my arms, even. He's an increasingly restless sleeper in his crib, rolling first onto one side and then onto the other, scooting his body from one end of the bed to the other, but in bed with me, he is perfectly still, as long as he is cradled next to me, with me on my side facing him, both of my arms around him. If I try to inch away from him, he flings his legs over my waist and grabs my hair with both hands and sleeps holding onto me. I wake up in the middle of the night just to stare at him, his dark lashes curling on his fat, red cheek, his face frowning in repose, his dimpled knuckles pressed to his chin, his fuzzy hair damp with sweat against my arm. When I hear him through the monitor at 3 or even sometimes at 1, I am happy to stumble to his room and gather him out of his dark crib and settle him next to me, clasped, until the sound of the big boys stomping in the hallway wakes us both the next day.

(And now that I wrote that, he is going to come in my bed and fuss for 6 hours tonight).

The sun!

2012-01-27T09:30:00.000-06:00

The sun came out today for the first time in forever, and I feel more optimistic. And I just spent over $100 on bottle accessories at Target because OF COURSE the kid only likes the most expensive bottles on the shelves OF COURSE. Also I got a bottle warmer because last night, I tried to mix a half breast milk/ half formula bottle at 3 am and it was a giant cluster. And also, he didn't want to eat-- just to come in bed with me and snuggle because he had already nursed but of course I am paranoid that he is not getting enough. OF COURSE I am.

So, last night, he sat with us at dinner and we gave him a tablespoon of rice cereal mixed with an ounce of formula, and he liked it. Then before bed, he nursed on 1 side, cried at the other, and ate 3 ounces of a 4 ounce bottle that was 3 parts breastmilk to one part formula. (and slept from 6:30 until 3 am) And I fed him the bottle! Tommee Tippee and faster flow nipples for the win!

I am sure that we will work out a breastmilk/formula compromise that works for us, lets me nurse, and lets him stay fat and happy. But it is a little stressful in the meantime when he is crying for food he can't have (breastmilk) or over food he doesn't want (anything in a bottle).

It was not my plan to start solids at 4.5 months, but we'll spend a week on rice and a week on oatmeal, and add in purees when he is 5 months old. And then, it'll be no time before he's eating YoBaby and all kinds of other stuff. And I know that solids are mainly for practice, but we might as well start practicing now.

Definitely feel better over here, but still not a lot of milk. So weird.

Milestone!

2012-01-26T21:14:00.001-06:00


Sitting at dinner


Preparing for the first bite


First bite!

First bite from a better angle

Not sure


Very surprised

Still surprised

Liking it

Still thinking

He likes it

Waiting for the next bite

Serious business

He likes it!

Gone baby gone

2012-01-26T17:15:00.001-06:00

I am having a really shitty time with breastfeeding right now, and that Violent Femmes song Gone Daddy Gone is going through my head, only I have been replacing Daddy with Baby and love with milk. Because the milk is gone. Three nights ago, I woke up with leaking breasts after Cooper slept more than usual, and he nursed like normal all day. Then, yesterday, no milk. Lots of crying (me and him), much refusing the bottle no matter what was in it. Gnashing of gums, chomping of hands, not much sleeping. Today, more of the same, with grudging consumption of 1 ounce of formula and 1.5 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle. Empty breasts. Slow let down. Baby nursing for 3 minutes on each side and crying when he's done because he's not done.

This has happened before. Twice. The week after Thanksgiving and the day before New Year's Eve. Two bad, bad milkless (milk light) days and then a return to normal. Totally hormonal, right? Right? That's what the google tells me. La Leche League tells me I am not a good enough mom because my baby takes a pacifier, and this is my own damn fault because if I really loved him and wanted him to have the perfect food, I would keep all silicone nipple products out of his piehole.

So, I am hopeful that the milk will return but also worried because if it doesn't, what the hell is he going to eat? I got some new nipples for our Dr. Brown's and Vent Air bottles, thinking he might like a faster flow. I got a Tommee Tippee bottle, too, because its nipple looks totally real (creepy). I have been nursing every 2 hours and pumping even though nothing is coming out and drinking Mothers Milk Tea and lots of water. I also started remembering my prenatal vitamin again because I have been reading about low calcium from ovulation through the end of a cycle.

And of course, I have found myself in the formula aisle. Feeling like shit.

I try to feed my special snowflakes the very best of everything. Organic kale is on the menu tonight for goodness sake. I know better. I have read the mile-long, unpronounceable ingredient list on the back of the BPA-leaching can, and I don't like it, but, oh, how I wish he would just drink it. I don't want to see him cry in hunger or watch his baby fat rolls disappear.

Tips? Advice? Support? How do I get him to take a bottle he doesn't want?

Crabby Wednesday

2012-01-25T17:00:00.001-06:00

The fam is a bunch of bitches.

You know how I have been making all my own baked goods? I mentioned I was making brownies, and Ben said "Make sure you use a box. I don't want you to mess them up-- I want Betty Crocker." What an asshole.

So, I made 2 batches-- one from a Betty Crocker box and one from scratch. In a blind taste test, both of my (asshole) kids picked the box. Harry said, "I like this one. It takes like a real brownie. This one," he said, indicating the one made with LOVE, "Tastes like those muffins I had at hot lunch the other day." Those muffins? Were made of beets.

Hmph.

Speaking of assholes, Cooper (OM-G-- cussing about babies cracks me up) slept for 12 hours straight the night before last, waking for exactly 8 minutes to eat around 2 am. Then, last night, he woke up at 9:30, 11:30, 12:30, 3-4:30, 6, and then finally at 7:30. The 3-4:30 stretch nearly killed me. I would nurse him, put him in his crib with his pacifier firmly in his cry hole, stumble back to bed, throw myself on my pillow, an drift back to sleep when his squawks through the monitor would jerk me awake. I repeated this pattern for 90 minutes, adding handfuls of animal crackers on my way back to bed, which is GREAT for the weight loss.

On that note, a visiting scholar from China who saw me last semester in the course I direct is sitting in on my rhetorical criticism class this term, and she said to me after class, "You don't look so fat." I think the nuance was lost in translation.

Bouncing:

The bounce back-- not very much bounce

2012-01-18T07:38:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, the Whole Foods deli was my downfall. I thought I was eating like a reasonable human being (no snacks when Cooper ate through the night-- a good first step for me). Then Ben and I grabbed lunch while grocery shopping, and before I knew it, I had eaten an entire chicken, apple, and Gouda panini the size of my face. And for dessert last night I had half a piece of coconut cake. WTH is wrong with me? Then I drank a delicious oatmeal stout beer and a half and went face down in a bag of pretzels. It's like I WANT to be chubby. But I don't, I swear.

I am so not even kidding you when I say the baby doesn't sleep. Last night, he went down at 6:30 like always. Up at 9:30. Up at 1:47. I mean like up, up. Like did not go back to sleep. Like used me like a pacifier and whined a lot. I gave him to Ben at 5 and slept 2 more hours because damn.

He is also making a screeching noise like a dolphin or a cat all the time, and I remember the other kids doing that, too, when they were teething or going through some other developmental mind fuck.

It blows my mind because he slept through the night at such a young age. Clearly, he was just toying with us.

I m not a sleep trainer, more of a bitch-about-the-baby's-sleep-until-it-magically-gets-better-er. Because this too shall pass, I know, and it's a small price to pay for the pleasure of having such a squishy little ball of happiness to nibble on throughout the day. But holy shit am I tired and fat.

Also my scale says I have gained 2 pounds. I blame the salty, salty pretzels before bedtime.

OMG. Need seep.

2012-01-17T08:19:00.000-06:00

Baby no longer sleeps.

Got a new scale at Costco and found out I have not lost any weight since 6 weeks post partum.

Harry and Ben were gone all weekend at the Cubs Convention in Chicago. Jack and I had what he called "the special day" where we watched Dolphin Tale, went to Toys R Us and let Jack pick out anything he wanted, and ate all Jack's favorite foods (like Whole Foods guacamole-- skinny Jack can EAT that stuff). Unfortunately, we started the started the day off with a fender bender (my fault-- got a ticket-- my first ticket ever) and Cooper didn't sleep the WHOLE TIME, and Harry and Ben didn't get home until late Sunday afternoon. Gah.

Have decided that GMO food is unacceptable and even though we didn't really eat it before, I am NEVER eating it now. Excpet this morning because I didn't pack any lunches, so Harry is going to have whatever GMO laden shit the school is serving up. And OMG-- I like the FLOTUS' focus on healthy lifestyles, but lets face it: diabetes and obesity aren't all because of bad personal choices. The fucking food chain is polluted, and companies should have to label the GMO garbage that most people buy everyday and feed to their growing babies and children. It's everywhere from baby formula to cereal bars to snack crackers-- stuff people eat EVERY SINGLE DAY and stuff that you might even think is good for you. Ugh.

The lack of sleep. It's making me cranky.

Calm

2012-01-11T21:56:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, we should wake up to 6-8 inches of snow that will continue to fall throughout the day.

Today was 50 and sunny, not a cloud in the sky, the most beautiful January day I've spent in Wisconsin. Actually, it would have been a beautiful October day, and Wisconsin excels at Octobers.

We spent a solid hour after school at the playground, hanging out with 3 other moms, kids, and siblings from Harry's class. Cooper slept in the Ergo (so much more comfortable without the infant insert, by the way), and we only paid attention to our manically frolicking children when their hysterical is-this-really-winter-oh-my-god-vitamin-D-at-last play turned violent.

I can't stop myself from calling Cooper Mr. Baby. He doesn't mind.

Notice that Jack's gaze is still firmly planted on the glowing talking box.

Matching shirts! Cooper is always missing that sock, by the way. Also, he wears 6-12 month clothes at 4 months, a first for one of my kids. The others always wore 3-6 until they were way past the 6.

Jack has been eating lots of fruits and veggies in his breakfast smoothies. Here he is showing me how strong he's become.


Harry loves Cooper and vice versa. Also? It's like Cooper WANTS a flat head. I put him on his tummy and BAM! He flips over.

I am having a severe cookie problem. My chocolate chip cookies are flat as a pancake. I made some the other day and blamed too-soft butter (melted it a little in the micro on accident) and maybe even the whole wheat pastry flour. My Facebook friends agreed and offered some suggestions for improving them. I made them again today with twice the salt, white flour, and half butter, half shortening, and I chilled the dough for 2 hours before baking. EVEN FLATTER. I am using the recipe on the back of the chips-- nothing fancy. Could I be over mixing them in my stand mixer? Could it be the parchment paper on my cookie sheets? What is wrong with my cookies?

Gotta go-- Mr. Baby has decided to add a 10:00 feeding-- nice of him, huh?

4 Months Old!!

2012-01-09T23:13:00.001-06:00

Old Lady

2012-01-07T19:55:00.000-06:00

I am so lucky because I got all of the awesome household goods on my holiday wish list this year. I must have been super good.

Ben's parents got me a bread machine, which is SO MUCH FUN to use. I made cinnamon swirl bread this morning just for the hell of it, and I have already used a whole giant bag of whole wheat flour. (Harry hates my bread, BTW, and looked longingly down the commercial bakery aisle at the grocery store yesterday asking wistfully about "that bread with the slices in it." Whatev.) I love that my house smells like a bakery.

My grandma sent us a very generous Amazon gift card, and I ordered this book:

(also lots of Power Rangers for the big boys, a white noise machine that projects pictures on the ceiling for Cooper, and a new DVD player for our bedroom).

My parents stocked my cupboard with new Le Creuset bake ware, and Ben got me the Beaba babyfood maker and cute little accessories I have been drooling over.

And all of this stuff is wonderful, and I love it, but it makes me ask the question: WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?

I was teasing Ben about the gift I got him and I told him it was a Dyson, and you know what? He was really excited because he WANTS a Dyson, so he is super old, too. So old, in fact, that he has been putting wheat grass in his breakfast smoothie (the kids LOVE it).

In other old people news, we did 2 small projects at home this weekend. First, we finally put something on the walls in our upstairs hallway, which has been sadly blank since July:

It was fun going through a billion pictures to find the 15 we wanted to frame. Now we just need stuff for the other side of the hallway, the entry way, and oh, EVERY WALL in our bedroom. Baby steps.

We also moved all the furniture around in the family room:

I am not nuts about this set up, but it does leave more room for this:

He can't wait to join in

Speaking of old lady, I am going to retire to the couch now to drink lactation tea and watch The West Wing. And also eat the most gigantic piece of carrot cake ever (why isn't that baby weight pouring off?)

Notes from the end of break

2012-01-05T15:03:00.001-06:00

I've spent the last week feeling like a total failure because I swore to god my milk was drying up. But now-- a day when Cooper has been been asleep more than he has been awake after he ate every 45 minutes yesterday-- I think maybe he's just been having a growth spurt. Hmmm. I thought that happened at 3 months, not 4. But still, he looks large.

Sometimes I feel like a total breastfeeding rookie even though this is the third one. It just seems like a long time before he can eat solids (2 more months), and he HATES bottles, so Ben is going to have to meet me outside my classroom twice a week. It would be helpful if he could eat some cereal and purees instead. I am totally committed to exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, though, so that stuff will have to wait. And believe me, I don't want to rush his babyhood. Harry and Jack, though, took the occasional bottle, but this kid absolutely HATES them-- he drank one for a babysitter once when I went to a meeting. Ben has limited success and a cranky baby on his hands. When I experience an issue with my milk (or when a growth spurt makes me THINK there's an issue), I kind of panic because the breast is the ONLY thing he wants. Gah

I was just crazy enough to let the kiddos play play-doh this morning. Harry was able to clean it up all by himself, and I gave the vinyl a quick vacuum, and it was SO EASY! I love our playroom.

Then we went to the park because it was a freakish 40 degrees. everyone had fun, and Cooper fell asleep for the third time today, a mere 40 minutes after waking up from his second nap. He's stretched his feedings out to like 3 hours apart today, too. So confusing. I can see why people freak and think they don;t have enough milk and wean early. Because I was so almost there the other day, and I have done this before. Successfully, even. I think I'd like to stop pumping because it is driving me batshit crazy. I aim for an extra 3 ounces a day and have quite the stash in my freezer, but I have been breaking into it because I thought my milk was drying up, so I have probably wasted 30 ounces over the past week (because he.won't.drink.it).

Okay. This is turning into a really boring rant about ounces of breast milk. How about a few pictures from the park, huh?

OMG. Got to go break up a violent kerfuffle about whose Bat Cave is bigger (Freudian, huh, on a couple of levels?). School is back in session (for them and for Ben but not for me) next week-- phew!

Resolved

2012-01-03T22:12:00.001-06:00

Ben claims he bought most of my Christmas presents on Amazon.

When he was drunk.

He got me great stuff, so I didn't believe him until I opened this planner:

It's a Pac Man Moleskine planner. WTH?But I love it-- I love a new planner, a new year spread out all clean and boxy.

Even though I use Google Calendar for pretty much everything, I've opened up a new pack of pens to scrawl in some dates in my Pac Man (seriously, WTH?) planner, too-- you know, when I teach, meetings, Jack's Little Gym class-- IMPORTANT stuff.

All this planning, of course, makes me think of resolutions. As always, I have a few.

1. Cut out commercial baked goods. If we are going to have desserts (and we ARE), they're going to be homemade. Thanks to a bread machine I got for Christmas from Ben's parents, I am also going to bake my own bread. But Sarah, you say, aren't you supposed to be writing a book and teaching and directing a course, too? Well, um, yeah. So, if I can't always make everything from scratch, I will be sure to spend the extra cash to buy it from a local bakery-- it'll still be from scratch, just not my scratch.

2. Follow the 5-ingredients-or-less rule more stringently when it comes to food I am buying at the store. Except for instant oatmeal packets and Annie's bunny crackers and Z-bars. Can't live without and at least they're all organic?

3. Make sure I eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies everyday.

4. Publish 2 essays in academic journals.

5. Get rid of this fat donut around my middle.

6. Finish Cooper's baby book, keep my blogs up-to-date, and carve out time for fiction writing everyday.

7. For every book I read on my iPad, read a real book, too.

What about you?

iPhone dump to ring in the new year

2012-01-02T08:25:00.000-06:00

We've been having the laziest break.

Lots of eating out to avoid cooking. Here's Cooper traveling incognito to our favorite Mexican place.

Harry and Jack loved Hanukkah-- we wrapped all of their presents and put them under the upstairs tree, so they could check them out and decide which one they wanted to open each night. Unfortunately, they got the exact same gifts, so on nights they picked different packages, they ruined the surprise for each other. Next year, I'll buy different stuff.

They picked out gifts for each other and warmly embraced after opening them on Christmas morning.

Last year, Jack could not open his gifts without help. This year he was an expert.

Ben loved the tie the kids got him.

Ben's parents got the kids a bounce house. They LOVE it.

Cooper is ginormous

Jack enjoyed a day of chocolate chip pancakes

Cooper can grab stuff on purpose, but he can't always let go. The other day at Noodles, he grabbed my chicken, which was warm, and even though he was bothered by the heat, it was like the chicken was glued to his fist

We made Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls for New Year's Day breakfast, and they were AMAZING. Amazing. I ate three and have sworn off them. We sent some home with my brother and some with my parents and Ben and Jack are taking care of the rest.

My parents in their NYE party gear. They came for the big night and for a late Hanukkah celebration (the kids got iPod Touches, and they LOVE them).

Ben made an amazing dinner: shrimp cocktails, NY strip steaks and king crab legs, a delicious salad, sesame garlic green beans.

I made a loaf of bread and a chocolate cake. We had lots of wine, champagne, and sparkling grape juice.

Harry loves a celebration

So glad I bought baby new year a Gwen Stefani for Target tux-- NYE is fancy

Tummy time

From this morning

And there you have it- you're up to speed.

Tyrant

2011-12-30T08:13:00.002-06:00

When Cooper is tired, shit hits the fan. Fast. With no preamble.

Like this morning at breakfast. I knew he WOULD be getting tired because he woke up an hour before normal and did NOT want to go back to sleep. Well, that's not entirely true. He drifted off twice in bed with me a little after 6, just long enough for my own eyes to close and then woke himself (and me) up by trying to sit up and gasping with joy. That's how I heard him at 5:47, by the way-- I heard the sharp intake of breath that precedes a huge grin and then the airy little "ehhh" sound that comes at the end of one. I found him smiling at various fat limbs that were stuck through the bars of his crib.

Anyway, breakfast. One minute he was sitting on my lap laughing and cooing at Harry and Jack, and the next minute he was angry screaming. I took him into my room and put his sleep sack on him over his jammies while he tried to eat my shoulder and his own forearm, growing increasingly disgusted with the lack of milk they produced. I tried to nurse him, but he was too tired and angry to wait for the milk to let down. I kept switching him from side, but he would only suck for maybe 10 seconds and then look at me with reproach and scream. Finally, I stood up and bounced him while he ate (as pretty as it sounds), and he drank a little and passed out in my arms.

I don't know how long he'll stay down, so I am in a rush to frost the clock face cookies I made for tomorrow night-- Jack saw an episode of Max and Ruby where they stayed up for NYE and their grandma made cookies shaped like clocks. We were discussing our own NYE menu, and Jack held up one small finger and said "And time cookies!" so of course I had to make them. I couldn't find grandfather clock cookie cutters (because WTH?), so I made round ones and plan to frost them in white and draw numbers and hands in black. They'll have to do.

I'm writing this while I wait for the frosting to return to room temperature after a long night in the fridge and so I don;t forget what a tyrant my baby is when he's tired.

Christmas!

2011-12-27T09:51:00.005-06:00

Ah the joys of secular blended family Christmas. Consumption, consumption, consumption. It's all very patriotic.

Cooper slept well on the Christmas Eve for the first time in FOREVER (6:30-3 without a peep, a brief meal at 3 and back in his own bed until after the big kids woke up-- a dream baby, again. Unfortunately, he was up every 20 MINUTES from 10 pm to 6 am on the 25th/26th, and last night, he was up 4 times between 11 and 1, slept from 1-4, and then came in my bed from 4-7 where he woke up every 20 minutes again. FML).

I, however, could NOT sleep after 3 because I was so excited to see Harry and Jack's reaction to Santa. We spent all of Christmas Eve tracking his progress on my NORAD iPhone app, but they had strict instructions to stay in their beds until the clock in their room read 6-zero-zero. The coffee pot turned on at 5:45 (we program it to warm itself up on school mornings but forgot to turn it off) and woke Ben up, so we decided to make coffee. I went in to get H and J at 5:58, so they wouldn't wake up Coop when they bolted out of their room and found them both lying on their stomachs, chins propped on their hands, staring at the clock with giant eyes.

We all thundered downstairs with coffee and milk. Ben made a pile of screwdrivers scissors, and batteries the night before, and my camera was charging beside my phone (the best way to capture video these days) and a pile of garbage bags just aching to be stuffed with wrap-- we were READY for the MAGIC. So much magic.

Jack is pointing frantically to the huge dollhouse Santa seemed to have brought him. Harry was stoked to find a barrel! of! monkeys! n one of his stockings.

What other wonders could the stocking hold?

Jack's heart's desire: the dollhouse he has been staring longingly at on the cover the the Sensational Beginnings catalog.

Harry wanted Dr. Dreadful's Zombie Lab so bad. It's like a really messed up kitchen set-- you can make "edible" zombie boogers, brains, and barf.

The Lego castle of his dreams

Clearly Cooper has no idea what the hell is going on.

Look at Jack's little face.

Harry and Jack built Cooper this stuffed dog and then made it look gross with a Power Ranger costume

I tried to get them to eat some muffins, but instead, Harry made brains

Yum!

It took us FOREVER to kind of clean up our mess and get in the car. We headed to Ben's parents for more present madness. The cousins had a ton of fun playing together, and Ben and I loved gorging ourselves on berry, berry, berry, berry (4 berry!) cheesecake from our favorite bakery (seriously, we need to stop going there-- we've been taking the kids out for breakfast and lunch and getting dessert a lot over break).

Pre-presents

Jack has wanted this Batman cave forever

Cooper still has no clue

Harry was so excited to give the presents he made at school.

Cooper is working on sitting

With mixed results

Christmas Eve!!

2011-12-24T09:30:00.004-06:00

We're making progress (slow, slow, sleepy) progress on the swaddle. I went to bed at 8:05 last night (because I am awesome), and Cooper woke up 3 to 5 times between then and 2 am. I went in his room and shoved his pacifier back in his face for 6 hours, and then I figured he was probably hungry by 2 because he seemed serious about waking up then-- the other times, he was just complaining with his eyes shut, so he joined me in bed until 7. He woke us both up every 20 minutes or so by startling. It was dreamy. Tonight, I might help him find his fingers/thumb/fist instead of his paci and I think I am going to turn the monitor volume down a teeny bit-- maybe I don't need to go in at every prolonged grunt.

I am usually not a sleep trainer, and I always follow the baby's lead, but in the case of the swaddle, I think he needs to ditch it. It's not good for him to sleep perfectly still in one position (which is why we got him out of his Rock n Pay cradle, which was amazing while it lasted). When he's in a sleep sack or the bottom half of a Swaddle Me, he rolls from side to side (not quite over, but almost) and scootches all over the crib. I often find him at a different end of the mattress than the one he started the night at-- and all of this is good for his development, you know?

Our creepy freaking shelf elf went home today, and before he returned to the North Pole, he left us a big bag of Christmas Eve presents-- jammies for the whole fam, a 2011 ornament with all of our names on it, the entire Star Wars saga on blue ray (which the little dorks are already watching), and a no-bake gingerbread kit (which the little dorks have already made.)

The doughy limbs! The rubber band wrists!

The dimpled elbows!

The concentration!

In honor of Toofy's departure, here are his greatest hiding spots this season:

Cookies! Also, where did my good sleeper go?

2011-12-23T13:34:00.000-06:00

The baby. He sleeps with me.

Last night, swaddle-free, he woke 5 times between 6:30 and 10. At 10, I scooped him up and went to bed. We slept with our arms flung around each other until 6:15, waking once for a quick snack at 3:40. He slept great and gave me an open-mouthed, gummy expression of delight when he woke us both up with a stretch and a yawn. I slept like shit, though, because I kept waking up at his slightest grunt or shimmy and because I stayed perfectly still on my side all night long. I have a limp today. He fought us like crazy for his morning nap, but when I finally put him in a Swaddle Me blanket with his arms out, he slept for an hour. He fell asleep in the car on the way home from lunch (when Ben and are both home and Harry is at school we almost always take Jack out for lunch, which is exactly what Harry is afraid of), so I am letting him continue to nap in the carseat, flat head be damned.

Question: If your babies slept on their backs, how did they NOT get a flat spot?

Yesterday, I spent about 7 hours making about 90 cookies.

They are delicious. I credit my new mixer.

How have I lived 33 years and 6 months without that thing? It's incredible. My butter cream frosting? The best ever. Could be the heavy whipping cream I used instead of milk, could be that the mixer beat the hell out if it. The cookies? Perfection. I ate my face off yesterday but today I have only had 1 2 3.
I got majorly sick of the project after only applying one bag of green and half a bag of red frosting, but I persevered.

Jack licked the frosting bowl

I made a little decorating station for Harry to man after school

He turned out a whole plate of cookies for the fat man

Speaking of fat: What the hell? Why am I still? Why are my stomach muscles not magically tightening themselves like they did after the other boys, and why is breastfeeding not the miracle diet it has always been before? Is it because I am so damn old?

I KNOW! I KNOW!

2011-12-21T19:53:00.005-06:00

I know-- I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I've just been busy doing real life stuff. Like wrapping a mound of presents. Which is what I need to do RIGHT NOW because I sent Ben out to buy cookie ingredients for tomorrow's bake fest because I couldn't possibly go myself because I am too busy wrapping!

Also, the baby has been a total PITA lately-- too old to just fall asleep wherever the hell he is and too little to take good naps. Blurgh. Today, we were home all day, and his little special snowflake self took 3 pretty okay ones. But we can't be home all day everyday, so he is going to have to go with the flow, man. He's just been so damn cranky between the hours of 4 and 6:30-- it's distracting us, and I end up working out after the kids go to bed which has destroyed my blogging time. Also? He is starting to hate the swaddle, but he can't sleep without it because these bastard arms keep flying up and smacking him in the face and stealing his pacifier. He has no idea where they're coming from or how to stop them.

Phew-- this was a total ice breaker post. Now I can come back more often. More wrapping. See ya.

Gassy

2011-12-12T22:35:00.000-06:00

When the clock flashed eight-zero-zero tonight, Harry put down his Legos and scampered into the bathroom to brush his teeth and pee. I was browsing our book collection for a book he could read to me before bedtime when he sprung out of the bathroom screaming, "Mama! Dada! I know what a fart is!"

"What?" I asked.

"A fart," he said proudly, "Is air that stinks."

"Who told you that?" I asked.

"No one!" he exclaimed. "I just wanted to know, so I farted on my fingers."

In unrelated news, we are having fun with the juxtaposition of our Little People nativity and Hanukkah dinner sets.

Mary, Joseph, and their donkey adore the Hanukkah baby. You know, just like in the Torah.

Jesus' bris

December rain forest

2011-12-10T17:01:00.001-06:00

We had an unexpectedly lovely time today. Instead of hanging around the house in our pajamas until we turned on each other from boredom, we were dressed and out of the house by 10:35. Unfortunately we only got as far as the Starbucks drive thru line before the kids started screaming that they were hungry. Instead of stuffing them full of chocolate milk and pastries, we got out of line and drove across the street to Jack's favorite restaurant in the world Panera. Cooper slept the whole time, and Harry and Jack were reasonbly well behaved. Coop woke up at the end of the meal, but he agreeably allowed himself to be loaded into the car, and we drove a cheery, XM-radio-Christmas-station-filled 20 minutes to the Holiday Express model train exhibit at the local botanical gardens.

We had heard good things about this exhibit, but we've never been. I was surprised that it was just a tiny little room filled with bird houses, train tracks, and poinsettias with 2 model trains zooming around. The boys, though, were thrilled and happily stood at the fence screaming joyously at the trains for half an hour. Whatev. Kids are weird.

After the kids had their fill of yelling"Where's the train? Here comes the train! Woot!" we wandered through the conservatory. I have GOT to remember to go to that place this winter when I am sick of being so damn cold. Our camera fogged up-- that's how deliciously muggy it was.

The lady in the red shirt was a tour guide, and she helped us find a couple items on our scavenger hunt list-- the cacao tree which Harry knew all about. She asked him how he knew so much, and he said, "Well, you know, I HAVE seen Dora." Jack, by the way, was way disappointed in the chicle tree. It does not, in fact, look like a gumball.

3 Months!

2011-12-09T21:11:00.001-06:00

Coop-a-doop is 3 months old today, and we took him to urgent care after a particularly fussy afternoon just to see if maybe he has an ear infection. He does not. He has also gained exactly a pound in the last month, weighing in at 13 and a half pounds.

The 4th trimester is over, meaning I should be thin and Coop should be starting to take reliable naps. Neither of us got that memo, apparently.

Cooper is still the most wonderful baby in the world, and I would tell you why, but it is 9:15 and I am going to bed as soon as I bag today's milk and wash my pump. Coop has added a 1:30 feeding, and I miss the days when he slept until 4. Sigh. We moved him out of his Rock n Play and into his crib and with this move came another night feeding. Blurgh.

Thanks

2011-12-08T19:39:00.001-06:00

I have been drinking so much damn water that I got up to pee every 2 hours last night. Now, though, we just have run-of-the-mill fussiness before bedtime and evening cluster feeding. I had been trying to establish some more consistency with a nap routine, and it was working out well, but he was only sleeping for like 40 minutes at a time in his crib, and he was just too fussy to handle any sort of milk delay. Yesterday and today, I wore him or Ben held him for all of his naps, and he was just generally more tolerant.

I think, as some of you mentioned, that at 3 months, my supply has regulated, and my breasts don't always feel full even though there is lots of milk. I am definitely not used to that because I have been squirting all over the place for the past 90 days, but everything seems to be fine, I think. So, phew.

I got a hair cut today for the first time since mid august, and OMG, I look so much better. I always want long hair, but when I get to the just-past-my-shoulders stage, I give up and cut it off. I didn't want to do that this time, but I was carrying at least 5 inches of dead ends, and it was dragging my face down, you know? The problem, though, is that I was also growing out a massive wall of bangs-- they were straight across and about as long as the tip of my nose, and they started at the middle of my damn head. My stylist was like, "Okay, listen. The only way for me to fix these right now is to make them side swept bangs, but they probably won't look great until next time you get your hair cut." I am glad she was honest with me because they are not my favorite bangs. She did, though, do a really nice job of taking most of the weight out of them, so they should look okay when I do my own hair-- always a bummer after a blowout.

I also got this today:

The Nose Frida. It's a snot sucker. You put the red end in your mouth and rest the large blue tube against your baby's nostril and suck out all the snot. DISGUSTING, right? There's a filter thank God so the snot doesn't actually go in your mouth. But still. Way more effective than saline drops and also way more horrifying. I love Cooper so much I'll literally suck the boogers right out of his nose. Wow.

Halp!

2011-12-07T11:50:00.001-06:00

Okay, her'es the deal: something's rotten in the state of breastfeeding. It's 11:49 am, and I have Cooper strapped to me in the Ergo FINALLY asleep. I am dreading 1 hour and 11 minutes from now when he'll need to eat again because that is when the screaming will start.

My milk is not letting down. At all. Okay, a little bit, but only after about 10 minutes of sucking. Understandably, Cooper does not have the patience to suck this long without freaking out. Once it lets down, he only eats for 3 or 4 minutes and when we try the other side, the screaming begins again.

The only totally easy feedings we have are the one in the middle of the night and the first one of the morning (although he screamed through that one this morning, now that I think about it. Hmm, maybe we only have 1 easy feeding).

I have been googling organic formula in BPA-free cans all morning.

Mid-hunt for the nonexistent let down, I have been trying to feed him pumped milk to take the edge off, but he won't freaking eat anything out of a freaking bottle no matter what temperature it is.

He is peeing and pooping like normal and still sleeping 8 hours at night. WTF is going on, and WTF can I do about it? I have googled slow let down and am trying to implement some suggestions from kelly mom, but THIS SUCKS. Advice?

Odds, ends

2011-12-05T22:01:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I am pretty sure that I gave birth to puppies.

Or maybe monkeys.

And the new one? Look at him staring at the big boys:

I gave up trying to maintain any sort of order and decided to eat the baby instead

He's delicious.

Cooper and I had a nurse-in today compete with some pretty gross Mother's Milk tea from Whole Foods (which? was out of all of my favorite salsas, so I got taco dip instead, which was heavenly but is not a good sub for salsa from a nutrition standpoint, you know?). We still had 2 times when it seemed like he wanted more milk than I I had available (at noon and at 4:30), but a better day for sure.

I am going to have to be more diligent about wearing him during the day because he sleeps so well he's getting a bit of a flat spot on the back of his head. He's like baby Harry and only wants to sleep perfectly flat-- I have started sneaking in to move his head before I go to sleep.

Our nurse-a-palooza made me nostalgic for the newborn days when I logged so many couch hours I actually bot bored of daytime TV. Ah, memories.

Chrismukkah-tastic

2011-12-04T20:34:00.001-06:00

We knocked holiday cheer OUT OF THE PARK on Saturday with a family photo shoot for our Christmas cards, a trip to see Santa at the mall, and a stop by the tree farm for not one but 2 trees. Phew!

Cooper was underwhelmed

No baby carriers allowed in the breakable shop, so we waited while Ben bought the trees, a stand, and some ironicaly unbreakable ornaments

Cooper was wearing the most ridiculous elf outfit-- this picture does not do it justice

I think if we built this house in the winter, we'd have a fireplace with a mantle to hang our stockings. Because we built the house in the summer, Ben had to move a couple pictures to make room for these.

The upstairs tree-- all of the breakable ornaments are on this one.


Downstairs tree, home of all of our plastic, wood, and handmade ornaments. Also, damn there's a lot of blinds in this corner.

I am fairly annoyed because there are no pictures of me at all from yesterday (except our family pictures of course), and I had on a cute shirt that hid my fat donut and cute hair. I was too preoccupied to pose because we experienced our first breastfeeding hurdle yesterday, and I did not handle it well at all. Long story short: I chewed a shitload of spearmint gum (like 10 packs in the last 3 days), and it screwed up my milk supply BIG TIME. I didn't realize that would happen until yesterday when Cooper was screaming at the breast after trying and trying and trying to get a let down. I fuh-reaked out especially because he hates drinking bottles. He managed to choke down enough pumped milk here and there to take the edge off his hunger so he could stand to put the effort into nursing longer. He had tons of wet and dirty diapers and 8 nursing sessions, so it wasn't the crisis I made it out to be, but it still freaked me out. Without knowing that spearmint was bad, Ben and I started talking about things I added to my decaf-coffee and graham crackers diet, and we wondered if the gum was making my milk taste funny, so I had already stopped chewing it by the time I turned to the Google today to see what the hell was going on. For a few (terrifying) minutes, I wondered if I might be pregnant, but then I read about herbs that affect milk. Cooper was also really fussy at the breast in the days after we made our Thanksgiving a home, and I thought maybe the awesome cranberry-oatmeal-walnut cookies I made from HyVee cookie dough were to blame because nuts can bother babies. But then I read that sage can screw with milk supply, and I had bought a whole bunch of fresh sage and rubbed it on the entire freaking meal. Ooops. So, in conclusion, I am going to grab some Mother's Milk Tea tomorrow after a breakfast of oatmeal, and tonight, I am devoting my evening to drinking dark beer because I am a giver. I *think* the gum was the culprit, although tonight, 24 hours after I stopped chewing it, I still have a really slow let down. This is the first time in almost 3 months that I have had to think twice about breastfeeding. Coop gained weight in the hospital, and we never looked back. Ah, Cooper. He is a baby who is so awesome he makes you want to have more babies. I am going to feel really bad if my obsessive gum habit keeps him from his beloved milk.

MOTY

2011-12-01T21:44:00.001-06:00

I am trying to pinpoint the moment when my night turned to total shit. At first I thought it was when the conference call I listened to on my headphones with my phone on mute to drown out the increasingly fussy baby strapped to my chest went right up to the exact second when I needed to start Jack's bath. Then I thought things probably went south before that-- right after our extremely half assed dinner of mini-pizzas from Whole Foods served with carrots and bleu cheese dressing when I tried to feed Cooper in advance of my call and he did that thing he does at night sometimes when he's getting fussy, that thing where he refuses to eat but acts like he really wants to and screams a little. Or maybe it was when I wrapped my Moby kind of precariously but shoved Cooper in it anyway. Or it could have been when I retrieved new California Baby wash and shampoo from the upstairs bathroom because Harry poured all of the downstairs supply out yesterday making potions and was about to go wash Jack, who had been playing happily in the tub while Harry and I cleaned up a day's worth of toys from the family room and playroom with Cooper slumping to the left and fussing in earnest, and Harry chose that exact moment to declare that he had to poop and only wanted to do it in the downstairs bathroom and I decided I could not bear to be inches away from Harry on the toilet while leaning over the side of the tub balancing my crying baby and washing my preschooler, so I vacuumed while he took care of business. It was around that time that Cooper began screaming, not fussing, and I decided that I had to make that noise go away from my face (remember he was strapped to my chest the whole time) as quickly as possible and desperately recalculated our bedtime routine. I decided to get Jack out quick and put him to bed. Then I would feed Cooper, swaddle and pacify him. Only then could I give Harry a bath and read his new library book. This is not, you understand, how it usually works. Usually,I put Cooper to bed while Ben bathes Jack, reads to him while Harry is in the tub, and then reads to Harry. Usually, I have what you might call a sweet deal. Ben has had class the last two night, though, so I have been solo. Last night, we had an impromptu playdate after school that tired out the big kids, and Cooper took a freakishly wonderful nap from 4:36-6:03, so he kept his baby shit together for once during the witching hour. When I am on my own, I stick to the same basic format: Jack bath and bed, Harry bath and bed, Cooper bed (he's the one we don't wash, remember?). Sometimes, I do Harry's bath then let him watch TV while I put Cooper to bed and put Harry to bed last, but tonight, asking Harry to wait until after Cooper and Jack went to sleep to even take his bath messed with his sense of order. He started whining and flapping, and I told him not very nicely to knock it off because the last thing I needed was another kid with noise coming out of his cryhole. Harry said, "When you yell at me it makes me feel like a bad kid." (The school social worker has been giving Harry's class some very effective talks about assertiveness). I paused for a second and said, "You're a good kid." Then I snapped back to the hellish situation at hand and added, "But you are going upstairs in two minutes. Two minutes that I used to wash Jack, help him out of the tub with one hand because I needed the other to hold the baby in the Moby because it was becoming looser and looser and riding up my back, knock the brand new CA Baby into the water, ask Jack to climb back in and grab it for me, assist him back out of the tub even more awkwardly, grab his arm as he plunged to the ground in a slimy puddle, realize he still had shampoo in his hair and dump cooling bath water all the hell over all 3 of us trying to rinse it out (Cooper LOVED that part, let me tell you). Instead of snuggling on the guest room bed, looking at old picture albums and reading the book of Jack's choosing as is his custom, I stood next to his bed and read him Dora's Christmas, the first book I found in the basket on his dresser, over Cooper's increasingly shrill screams, and I skipped most of the words, going instead for shouted descriptions of the pictures and the occasional hola! Cooper ugly cried the whole time I changed his diaper and crammed him in his jammies (and I noticed that one of his thighs was all read, and I think his jeans were bunched up in the wrap poor little guy), then he ate both sides and sucked on his pacifier, staring at me with red, accusing eyes. I left him in his crib drowsy but awake, and he went to sleep by the time Harry was out of the tub. Thank goodness. I noticed when I was dressing Jack that he had a rash on his elbows and felt really dry, so I sneaked in after he was asleep and put lotion on his arms. I just checked on him a few minutes ago, and the lotion appears to have given him hives. Gah.

Busy morning

2011-11-30T12:46:00.001-06:00

I don't like electric breast pumps. They don't work well for me. What does work is using a hand pump on one side and my baby on the other side. Doing this in the morning, I put away about 3 ounces of milk everyday (6 on Mondays because I pump another 3 awkwardly by myself in my office). I have a whole freezer full of 3 ounce bags frozen flat and organized by date, and everyday I have a few pump parts to wash in hot soapy water and dry on the counter rack. Except on Mondays. Then I have 2 pumps and a least one bottle to wash, and every Monday, I am so grateful that I am usually home all day because the dish volume that most working moms have to deal with? Yikes. I can't imagine washing a day's worth of bottles or pumping a day's worth of milk 5 days a week.

This morning, I got to pretend to be a full time WOHM because I needed to go to campus for a couple of hours on a day that Ben teaches. I gotta tell you, I sort of liked it.

What I liked:
Waking up before Ben and the big kids when the house was silent and enjoying my first cup of coffee with no one around to ask me a million questions.
Looking pretty at preschool and kindergarten drop off instead of looking like a sweatpants-wearing, bedraggled hag like normal. Jack's teacher even told me I look fancy.
Running into the Starbucks closest to my house to grab a gingerbread latte instead of having to drive way out of my way to the drive thru Starbucks because it is impossible to maneuver a bunch of small kids and hot drinks out of the building.
Not having to listen to Radio Disney on my drive.
Joining the throng of busy looking people walking cross campus with determination.
Coming home to a sleeping baby who ate most of a 6-ounce bottle.

What I didn't:
Waking up at 5:40
Freezing my butt off in my dressy coat, boots and tights on the walk to kindergarten. My Uggs, sweats, and giant North Face jacket aren't pretty, but they sure are warm.
Feeling sad/guilty when I saw how much fun the mom at Starbucks was having singing to her baby while she steeped her tea.
Not having anyone to sing along with the Hippo for Christmas song that comes on the XM holiday channel every now and again.
Parking way the hell at the top of the parking garage because everyone gets to work in the morning. When I slip in on Monday afternoons, I always score a sweet vacated spot by the exit.
Untangling Cooper's fingers from my scarf, so I could hand him to his (awesome) babysitter.

As usual, I am being dramatic. I was only gone 3.5 hours, and I wouldn't have had any of the guilt if I were leaving him to get my nails done or grab lunch with a friend. The work aspect makes the whole incident feel more serious. I love my work. I didn't get a PhD to not work, you know? And I have been at the office once a week since he was a month old. It's different, though, to leave him with Ben. As Barbara Bush told the Wellesley class of 1990, "When it's your own kids, it's not called babysitting."

All of this is just a roundabout way of saying I love my life and I'm glad I don't have to do the morning scramble for real. Now excuse me, I have a pump and a bottle to wash.

Phoning it in again

2011-11-29T21:50:00.001-06:00

Ugh. Why can I not get to bed before 10? I want to. Everything I do from the moment the last person drops his fork at the dinner table and pushes himself away from the table is aimed at getting to bed before 10, and yet. Here I sit, on my bed but not in it nine minutes before my self-imposed deadline. No way I will be asleep in 540 seconds, but I am so tired I had to google 9 times 6 before I wrote that. My exhaustion? Is not Cooper's fault. He's conked out in the middle of his crib by 7:45 and typically doesn't make a peep until almost 3. Then he eats, spends 2 hours in the pack n play next to my bed, and spends the last hour to 2 hours before we have to get up in bed with me. Pretty sweet. But lately (since last week before Thanksgiving), I cannot get to bed before midnight. Then on Sunday, Cooper surprised me with a 1:00 wake up, a mere 40 minutes after I had hit the sheets. He was sleeping swaddled and buckled into his Rock n Play Sleeper, and he was going 9 hours some nights. But I started to worry that I was stunting his development by making him sleep motionless, so I started putting him the crib. He is all over the place in there, and he ends up with his legs unswaddled and his arms wrapped tight.

I am so sorry this is so boring on the penultimate day of NaBloPoMo '11.

Excuse me while I go hide my creepy freaking elf.

Thanksgiving in pictures

2011-11-28T21:54:00.001-06:00

Don't get me wrong, Thanksgiving was great this year, but something was missing. My brother Jon for one thing, who hosted his own dinner in Jersey, and my Grandpa Jack, who died when Cooper was a week old. The table above used to be the grown up table, and he always sat at the head where the flowers are. This year, our first without him, we were all kids together.

Clearly, the kid table rocks.

Jack at 3 matzoh balls. Harry wore that hat all weekend-- he is very committed to holidays.

Cooper was very adored

Jack is totally scared of this dog-- super ferocious, huh?

The kids slept in these comfy beds (Ben slept with Harry)

Don't let him fool you-- Cooper only napped in this thing

He slept on the sofa bed with me. Also, Harry is still wearing the hat-- commitment, huh?

Cooper ate his bib for Thanksgiving dinner

Couch nap

Harry showing Bomma his magna-tiles skills

Jack and my dad having a moment

Love the hat

More adoration

Caught him looking right at me

Burp

Cooper and my mom

As soon as we got home, Ben and the boys got to work decorating


Serious business

Jack was grossed out by the insides of the turkey we made on Sunday

Harry (Potter) was fascinated

Ben got way up there, huh?

He's baaaaack

So annoyed to be up so late AGAIN

2011-11-27T23:01:00.001-06:00

Stayed up way too late working on my turkey stock for a soup we pan to eat on Tuesday. No meat on that carcass, let me tell you.

I swear I will write a real post soon. Tomorrow-ish. But until then, Cooper in a sweater onesie:

Almost late again!

2011-11-26T23:35:00.001-06:00

We had a wonderful time in Des Moines-- the kids were great; the food was great; we loved seeing the fam. I swear I will have more details soon, but tonight, I stayed up too late with Ben drinking wine and cooking our Thanksgiving redux for tomorrow. My little turkey-sized snuggly alarm will be waking me in a few hours, so I will leave you with pictures of Jack messing with all the radio gadgets in my grandpa's den:

Perusing toy catalogues

2011-11-25T08:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, yes. The kid is eating pancakes with syrup (and not even real syrup; he's got the HFCS-laden kind in the lady-shaped bottle, the kind he calls Mrs. Butterface)and a bowl of chocolate chips for lunch, but except for Mrs. B it's all organic, and I made him force down an apple carrot crusher and an applesauce. Win?

Turkey Day!

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-06:00

If you are reading this, know that I am in the front seat of my minivan listening to Justin Bieber's Under the Mistletoe album at my 5 year-old's request. In other words, I am SO FUCKING COOL.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Under the wire

2011-11-23T23:33:00.001-06:00

It's 11:33. Cooper is making noises in his room, and I just want to turn the monitor down and sleep, but I won't because I am not a monster. We are finally packed, and I even gave myself a pedicure, something I didn't think I would ever find the time to do again. Those first few days after Cooper came home from the hospital, I was panicked about someday regaining normalcy. But here we are, 10 weeks later (on Friday), having couch dates after the kids go to bed, cooking real dinner, and painting our toenails (not Ben). Thank goodness. I spent my day with Jack and Coop running errands, including a delicious reunion with Trader Joe's-- we have been going to a little local store instead and enjoying amazing local meat and a staggering variety of produce grown within 50 miles. I like it because we can get normal brands there, too, but the mainstream stuff is way marked up. Today, for example, I paid $8 for Tampax, but I also got some giant organic yams from like 10 miles down the road. I must sleep. There's a 5:30 alarm with my name on it.

Babies: You have to wash them?

2011-11-22T20:20:00.001-06:00

I have written before that I have been unambitious with Coop's grooming. I have also been complaining often about his wretched acne. Then, yesterday, I started washing his face. Cuh-razy, huh? It's totally helping, by the way. I would show you a picture but this is the only one I took today:

and you can't really see the improvement. Trust me, he looks way less staph-y.

Today really got away from me. It started nice: a new dress and a grown up meeting. Then Ben (who drove me to the meeting and picked me up because he and Coop were on their way to a coffee date) got a hair cut, and Coop and I ducked into a delicious bakery for some decaf and a pastry. Then Ben and I did some holiday shopping (we have been squeezing our shopping in while the big kids are at school). I forgot half the crap I needed at Target, so Harry and I went back there after he got home from school. We did laundry, made some dinner, refereed some fights, worked from home, cleaned everything up, put our kids to bed. The usual. I said it started nice, which seemed to imply that something happened to make it not nice, but that's not true-- a good day all around, but a quick one. How is it almost December?

Speaking of December-- we are buying Cooper some Christmas presents, mainly so Harry and Jack will think Santa came for him. But Hanukkah? I don't totally want to buy him 8 more days of stuff he doesn't need. Is it terrible if he gets things like pajamas and Robeez? Will the big kids understand?

Writing this blog when I should be pumping

2011-11-21T14:32:00.004-06:00

Because I don't like to pump without my baby on the other side-- it's so hard to get a let down. BUT, I gotta tell you, it is also really hard to be competent at work when you only go into the office for a very ,very few number of hours each week. So the minute Ben got home from class today, I gestured in the direction of the seeping baby in the swing and ran out the door. Which means I have to pump.

I got a funny call from the butcher today-- he was letting me know that the special snowflake organic turkey farm doesn't have anything smaller than 12.5 pounds, which means we will eat a turkey that is exactly Cooper-sizefor our post-Thanksgivng feast. HA! I hope we don't get confused, what with the turkey hat and all.

As long as all the kids are up by 7, we might as well go out for breakfast when there are NO LINES

2011-11-20T21:26:00.003-06:00

He looks like a pocket full of sunshine, but holy cats he was loud. We had to tell him like 65 times to use an inside voice. Notice we don't say use your inside voice because HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE.

Such a good baby. He was sleeping so soundly that I left him in his carseat even though carrying him around in that thing goes against my parenting philosophy.

Such a good breakfast eater. He ordered his own food (french toast and bacon) then stole Ben's biscuit and my pancakes and ate them all.

Ben read him the jokes on his place mat-- clearly the funniest jokes EVER>
Breakfast was the high point. Harry and Jack were horribly behaved for the rest of the day. Harry could not stay off the floor at the grocery store. Jack kept sticking his hands out of the cart and grabbing stuff, and he cut his fingers on an apple sign. At the mall, Jack tried to eat a mascara at Sephora. Harry whined until our ears bled. Jack climbed through racks and tried to destroy clothes at Ann Taylor. Just generally terrible. Like they've never been in public before. Also, I looked cute at breakfast-- sweats and a messy bun but actual make up! But by the time we hit the mall at 4, my sweats were sad and my bun was really, really, really messy. Not mall material for sure.

We spent most of our day trying to occupy the kids so we could sneak upstairs and watch the last Harry Potter movie. It's that good.

Cooper had a friend come over!

2011-11-19T20:50:00.003-06:00

Cooper's friend Riley, who stars in his own blog Hello Up There, came over to play today, and I forgot to take pictures until the very end of his visit:

Which is a shame because R and C and two cute babies.

We went to college with Riley's mom, Jenn, and even though we haven't seen her in 12 years, it was like we just saw her yesterday. College friends are the best.

De-Mistified

2011-11-18T19:10:00.004-06:00

Except for scholarly pursuits which I prefer to avoid and procrastinate, I am very good at meeting deadlines. I thrive on deadlines, actually, because I like to get whatever it is I am supposed to do done so fast-- I like to be first, in fact. That's why I usually take the whole family for flu vaccines at the end of August, right around the time our pediatrician's office gets a boat load of FluMist-- you know, the vaccine that kids huff?

This year, we were preparing for kindergarten and a baby at the end of August, and flu vaccines slipped my mind. I remembered in the hospital when I got a pertussis vaccine the day after Cooper was born. I was all set to get a flu shot, too, but the whooping cough shot hurt like a mother, and I could not handle the idea of another stiff arm at that exact sleep-deprived second. Fast forward to Cooper's well baby appointment the other day. Seeing the nurse come in with a tray full of needles jogged my memory, and she gave me a flu shot right there at my request. I went home an badgered Ben until he had his yearly physical and got his vaccine (and he totally asked for the FluMist, but his doctor's office was out of it-- Ben HATES shots), and I realized that H and J were still flu-vulnerable.

I called the pediatrician's office to make an appointment for Mist, and the receptionist told me that yesterday they were having a vaccine clinic, and I could just bring the kiddos by after Harry got home from school.

I told Ben about my plans over breakfast, and he raised an eyebrow. "I told you they're out of the mist," he said.

"At your clinic," I told him. "Not at the kids' clinic."

"Gee, I'd love to go with you and all three kids to test that theory, but I have to teach."

When Cooper and I were trolling Target later in the morning, I threw 2 Green Lantern guys in my cart along with some clearance pajama pants, patterned tights, graham crackers, and a couple of shirts that might disguise my fat donut-- you know, ESSENTIALS. I figured if Ben was right, I might need some bribe toys.

On the drive across town, the boys kept asking me if they were getting shots, but I assured them they just had to huff some live flu-- no biggie. It took us over half an hour to get to the doctors office because there was a state high school football game at the college stadium and throngs of people were crossing the street in random places like school-mascot-blanket-wearing zombies (I have never seen so many people in blankets), but H and J were in good spirits. Cooper was half awake in his carseat, spitting out his pacifier and then whining for me to reinsert it and wearing his new turkey hat.

The good news when we got to the office was that there were only 2 groups of people ahead of us, a mother/teenage son duo and a mother/toddler/preschooler trio. Bad news? Lots. The clinic was set up haphazardly in the second floor waiting room, so no privacy. There were 6 nurses on hand, but they all clustered around one patient at a time. The two kids in front of us were freaking the freak out at the top of their lungs. And, of course, Ben was right. THE CLINIC RAN OUT OF FLU MIST A MONTH AGO.

Jack sat on a chair picking his nose and looking scared.

Cooper ramped up the fussing, probably because his turkey hat is hot and he was zipped inside his fleece carseat bunting AND covered with a blanket.

Harry stood next to me chatting merrily. "Oh," he said, looking at the kids in front of us. "I hear a baby crying. Is our baby crying?" He peered into Cooper's seat. "Not really," he said. "I think Cooper just wants his pacifier. Oh! See that little girl over there?" He gestured toward the girl in front of us who was sitting on her mother's lap, her jeans pulled down to reveal her thigh for her vaccine. "She's crying. Oh! Mama! I think she's crying because she's getting a shot." He looked proud of himself for figuring out the mystery. Then he whipped his head around to look at the girl again. "She's getting a shot?" he asked. "She's getting a shot! Does that mean I'm getting a shot?"

Jack stopped mid-pick to stare at me, both of them waiting for an answer but pretty sure they already knew what I was going to say, tears accumulating in their accusing little eyes.

Cooper picked that second to spit his pacifier onto his blanketed chest and start to scream one of those silent-for-a-minute, red-faced screams.

Things did not, as you might imagine, improve when it was finally our turn.

Whole lotta nothing

2011-11-17T05:18:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I solo-parented from the time all 3 little cherubs opened their blue eyes between 5:45 (Cooper) and 6:15 (Jack) until the last one (Harry) went to bed at 8:30. Normally, that kind of a day would leave me stressed out and stress eating, but when Ben came home from class? I was happily enjoying my second work out of the day and thinking about the snack of Wheat Thins (since our last Costco trip, all my snacks begin with Wheat Thins and will for awhile) and a honeycrisp I was about to enjoy. I didn't call him to complain about the kids a single time, and I even raved about how wonderful they were until Ben actually got bored hearing about it. Super Twilight Zone.

I think I figured out the secret to my at-home happiness: make a huge to-do list and get everything done. Also send at least one kid to full-day school.

Seriously, I always loaf around eating too much when I have 14 hours of kid-time stretching in front of me. Yesterday, I did a ton! hen Cooper woke up at 5:45, I started to just feed him lying down like I normally do, but I realized if I sat up and grabbed my pump, I could get that out of the way before breakfast. Check. Then, I worked out before we walked to school. Check, again. After drop-off, I let the TV babysitter hang out with Jack and did a ton of actual work on my computer. The TV babysitter hung out with us on and off until lunchtime, with plenty of Jack playing happily beside me and Cooper and his Boppy hanging out on my lap with my computer. And I squeezed in a viewing of last week's Too Fat for Fifteen between spring course prep and a ton of emails. Check and double check. After lunch, Jack bundled up and went outside to play, and Cooper took a nap in his swing while I cleaned 3 bathrooms. Jack came in and helped me fold some laundry (3 loads, which sucks because I do laundry everyday-- how do we end up with so much? Usually it's only 1 or 2, but a couple times a week, our whites accumulate into a load, and I spend a few minutes matching small and tiny socks. But since laundry has become a regular part of my day, I maybe spend 15 minutes tops on it, so I shouldn't complain), and I got dressed and did my hair and makeup. By 2:00, Jack and Cooper (who pooped through one outfit and puked through another) were both having a snack downstairs, and I had literally nothing else to do and no to-do angst.

We picked Harry up from school, and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening until 6:45 bathtime began doing nothing. Playing silly games, laughing, trying to see who could make Cooper laugh the most (Harry). I Googled myself. Harry perused the latest issues of my alumni magazine. Jack took a snoring nap sitting up on the couch.

I cannot believe how relaxed and yet accomplished I felt by the time Ben got home. I also decided that by the time the kids are pubescent, we need a bigger house because I don't ever want to enter or maintain their bathrooms. Ew.

These were the only pictures I took today (and they are only 3 of a series of shirtless couch pics):

Weighting

2011-11-16T09:33:00.009-06:00

I just want this baby weight to melt away. Today would be good. Right now while I sit on this couch with coffee and some graham crackers would be great. I am sick of the donut of fat that surrounds my waist. I am sick of my hips stretched too far to fit in most of my old jeans. (2 pairs fit great, but I still have a fat donut to contend with). I am sick of the Bio Oil I have to smear on my sagged out skin (and I have started buying it at Costco, which is a super bummer). I have worked out everyday but one since we bought the elliptical, but I am so. hungry. all. the. time. And sometimes? It is not a fresh fruit and veggies kind of hunger, you know? I still walk Harry to school in dumpy work out clothes everyday, but at least I come home and get dressed in actual clothes, too. And I am wearing the workout clothes because, you know, I have actually come from working out, not because elastic is the only waist band I can stomach. I think I need to go to Lululemon and upgrade my workout clothes because I totally look like that mom in the morning, especially since I am growing out my bangs and sporting lots of bobby pins , or I need to get up early enough to work out and get dressed before I go to Harry's school. The second option? Not happening as long as I spend the hours between 3 and whenever the big kids wake up snuggling with the most snuggly baby in the word.

It's his fault that I am so fat, you know. But I think I can forgive him.

Baby's first vaccines

2011-11-15T20:16:00.002-06:00

Cooptastic officially weighs more than the organic, free-range, grown-just-10-miles-away turkey we ordered for our post-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner. (Cooper is 12 and half pounds. We like to make Thanksgiving again when we get home from my grandma's so we can have turkey sandwiches for days and perfect our basting skills in case we ever get to host a holiday). He's also really tall and has a fairly small head. And acne so bad the doctor wondered for a few minutes if it might be a staff infection.

His vaccines gave him his very first fever. Ben and I argued for awhile about how much medicine to give him because concentrated infant drops have been phased out, meaning infant meds are the same concentration as children's meds and are dispensed with a syringe, not a dropper. SO the doctor's instructions to give him the whole dropper if he developed a fever were no good. We called the after-hours nurse, but she did not believe us, insisting that we had children's meds or ibuprofen. Finally my dad told us how much to give the kid. Phew!

I always hate those first vaccines-- I am worried they are going to break my baby. I am totally and completely pro-vax and trust our pediatrician's judgment, but it's scary to go in with a happy, healthy, intervention-free baby and intentionally make him sick. Yesterday, I went to campus for awhile, and Ben had a tough time with Coop. He doesn't really like drinking milk from a bottle, but he will do it grudgingly most Mondays. Yesterday, he just screamed and refused. I have an amazing freezer stash but not much opportunity to use it.

First shots, first fever, first booger, and a new skill for Cooperiffic. He's starting to become a grabber. But, he doesn't know how to let go. He clung to this monkey for a long, long time:

Big brother

2011-11-14T09:47:00.005-06:00

The director of Jack's preschool stopped us to coo at Cooperthis morning on our hurried way inside. I was a little annoyed because we were late, late, late, late. So late that I had just honked rudely at a woman with all the time in the world who was idling in front of me waiting for a close parking spot and then swerved around her, honked at another car who was pulling out (from a handicapped spot-- people park at will in the handicapped spots every morning which is supremely shitty) and whipped around the crowded circle drive to park on the street. So late that I didn't even have time to be embarrassed about my sad, stained Old Navy capri yoga pants and bulky sweatshirt emblazoned with Harry's elementary school logo. I did, though, have time to pause with regret for just wearing my nursing tank underneath because Cooper cried the last 5 minutes of our drive, and I leaked like a milk fountain. SO PRETTY.

Anyway, she cooed at Cooper, who smiled like he always does when people pay attention to him (NOT VERY OFTEN AROUND HERE), and Harry beamed. "Such a proud big brother," she said. And you know? He really is.

My favorite big brother thing he does is narrate his activities to Cooper. We took a page from the Kevin Henkes book Julius Baby of the World and told him that he needed to talk to Cooper a lot so Cooper could be as smart as Harry. He takes this task very seriously and constantly tells Cooper the names of things. He'll say "This is an apple," brandishing a honeycrisp dangerously close to Cooper's little face. "We humans eat them," he'll explain. That's the part that part that slays me. He doesn't think Cooper is a human! Ha! He always wants to carry him and kiss him and just generally spread germs over him.
It's lovely.

A great weekend

2011-11-13T20:54:00.004-06:00

As you could probably tell from my posts from the last 2 days, my brother Jon came to visit us from New Jersey. We had such a good time. I am really, really tired, though, because we stayed up late (like 11:00 pm late-- cuh-razy, huh?) Ben set the light under our microwave to come on every night at 10:30 so we could have a kitchen night light, and the last 2 days are the first time I have ever been awake late enough to see it.

It was a wonderful weekend-- my mom came up on Saturday and we got to hang out with my brother Ben, too. Jon even showed me how to use my KitchenAid mixer, which my parents got us for a housewarming gift. I really wanted one and was happy to have the counter space for it, but it was strangely intimidated by it. No more! It is super easy to use and worked really well on the apple bread we made, which was really, really thick (also, I am totally addicted to Penzey's spices).

We had a great time, and we miss Jon already (and OMG I am so tired, as is Jon I am sure because Harry and Jack ran downstairs to beat on his door every morning at the crack of six).

They also woke him up at 6:05 this morning

2011-11-12T19:28:00.003-06:00

Harry and Jack are going to be so bummed when Jon leaves tomorrow.

Jon's here!

2011-11-11T19:33:00.001-06:00

And he made this for dinner. So, so good-- you should make it too!

Name game

2011-11-10T13:42:00.004-06:00

Today, we went to parent-teacher conferences at Harry's school-- they were adorable. Harry's teacher says it takes him a long time to put his coat and boots on at the end of the day. No shit. She should see him get dressed in the morning. Yesterday? 20 minutes to put on a shirt. One shirt. He sees something shiny and then poof! Concentration gone. She also said he is great at math. He loves story problems because he gets into the story aspect. Like if 5 kids are playing and 2 leave, it's not about the 3 who remain. It's about WHY did they leave? WHERE did they go? Cracked us both up. After the conference, he wanted to show Ben the library, and we got meet the 2 librarians who let him check out a book even though there's no school today-- he even got to operate the scanner by himself. A very big deal. We wandered around the hallways for a bit with a sleeping Cooper, trying to find the door that was the dead closest to our house, and as we passed a group of lockers Ben said, "Oh! Emmerson! That's one of my favorite names. Doesn't it sound great with Dennis?" I almost punched him. I also love that name. So why didn't we consider it for our little baby number 3?

Cooper was almost Wallace, Sebastian, Darwin, Bradley, Woodrow, Griffin, or Wyatt. I mean, he was really almost Wyatt. We loved that name and then one day? We just didn't. So we took the letters off the wall and Ben suggested Cooper, my most favorite baby name in the whole world, the name that everyone vetoed right after our big 20-week ultrasound. It was the middle name that clinched it. If we were naming him Wyatt, I wanted to use Bradley, after our alma mater, the place where we met as high school speech campers and spent 4.5 years in undergrad. Ben, though, wanted the middle name Dennis after his dad. I thought Wyatt Bradley sounded better. Ben said if we could use Dennis, he'd go for Cooper. The rest is history. And I do like the middle name-- Harry is Harrison Benjamin after, uh, Ben. Jack is Jack Leonard after Ben's paternal grandfather, and Cooper Dennis is for Ben's dad. Symmetry. I think we also went with Cooper because it's my favorite, and Ben feels bad that we won't have a little girl. (It's probably better that we don't-- you know she'd be wearing a bow the size of her head right now).

2 Months Old!

2011-11-09T07:07:00.005-06:00

Moderate Home Makeover

2011-11-08T21:09:00.008-06:00

We went to Pier One today to buy a bunch of stuff for our living room, which has been really blah ever since we moved in. We also moved the couch around, which really, really, really helped it look less like a furniture store display. I realized that I decorate like I am a SIM-- no cords showing, furniture squared off and usually around the edges of a room. This is us breaking out of our comfort zone.

This cabinet has been devoid of decoration since I knocked the cactus that used to reside there all the hell over the floor. Now it is home to a globe! And a picture frame!

When you walked in our front door, all you used to see was the back of a couch. Now you see this:

I also came to to terms with the fact that I am not likely to go buy a ton of books to fill the rest of the shelves-- seriously, I never remember to scour thrift stores or hit up used book sales at the library-- so we bought other stuff to go with the books:

And throw pillows!

Still a little empty, but think of it this way: plenty of room for Cooper when he starts to crawl.

Next up: our room, which has not a single decorative item on any surface or wall. But it does have a yet-unused pack n play filled with diapers and extra blankets, so there's that.

OMFG. Time change. Blurgh.

2011-11-07T06:01:00.005-06:00

Cooper woke up at 4:58 this morning, which is not unusual for him. But instead of eating and going back to sleep, he has been cooing, laughing, and smiling his fat little face off for the last hour. He's up. For the day. Before 5 am. Neat.

****

I take advantage of the quiet house and pleasant baby and work for an hour, holding my laptop on my knees in bed, cooing baby beside me.

****

A whirlwind morning-- big kids up at 6, the earliest possible second they are allowed to be out of their room barring some sort of special circumstance. Beds made by 6:05, breakfast on the table by 6:15, clothes on by 6:40. I even completed half a workout before we had to take Jack to preschool, would have done the whole 40 minutes but the baby got tired of his gym. Just as well because the preschool parking lot was a Monday morning zoo. A brisk walk from our driveway to Harry's classroom, dropping off two huge boxes of snack we bought at Costco yesterday (And the rest of the stuff we bought at Costco? Totally ridiculous. Next time you come over, be sure to have a V8 or a Gatorade and some Wheat Thins.)

****

Harry and Jack at school. Cooing baby. Third cup of hot coffee. Fistful after fistful of cinnamon Teddy Grahams. Laundry humming in the dryer. Husband and preschooler home at noon, on-campus meeting waiting for me this afternoon. How to fill these next 3 hours, me, baby, and a soft bed?

He doesn't even need a bed-- he can sleep sitting up

Another photo-flashback

2011-11-06T08:54:00.001-06:00

Here we are trading our first babies for a picture in October 2006:

And trading our last babies yesterday:

Sometimes when I am walking across campus staring with open envy at the beautiful college students with their trendy clothes and swinging hair and too cool for school sunglasses, I want to stop them and say, "Smile! You are leading a charmed life! Anything you think is stressful right now? Is NOT. Enjoy this time and stop worrying!" Because all the stuff I remember worrying about when I was in college? Doesn't matter even a little bit right now. I would love to worry about stuff like tests and what to wear to chapter and having to ask my dad for more money for like the 5th time in 5 days. But I digress. I'd also like to say that to the mom I was is 2006, so stressed about developmental milestones and whether or not my baby was getting enough breast milk and wondering if I would ever sleep again. But I would like to be 2006 skinny again.

Virus

2011-11-05T08:19:00.001-05:00

After I took this picture, Jack grabbed Cooper's pacifier, touching the part that goes in his mouth with his sticky, nose-happy fingers. I was on the elliptical, and before I could stop him, he stuffed the pacifier back in Cooper's face and then planted a wet kiss squarely in the middle of his mouth. "I kissed his pacifier," he told me, wiping snot off his upper lip with the back of his hand.

Rmember when Harry was small?

2011-11-04T19:55:00.006-05:00

I cannot stop eating graham crackers. It's the weirdest thing. I bought a box of them yesterday, and it is more than half gone today. A little over 24 hours later. I like to brew a scalding hot cup of decaf coffee and drink it while I eat sheet after sheet letting them dissolve in my mouth. So weird. My diet is 90% graham crackers, decaf coffee, and honey crisp apples. The other 10% is a mix of turkey wraps and whatever new dish I try to make for dinner. Tonight was minestrone, which was delicious and really, really easy. I assembled it and cleaned it up and unloaded groceries in a quick 23 minutes before we ran (literally) to school and picked up Harry.

Check it out! Cooper smiled for the picture:

Then he fell asleep

and seeing him all snuggled up against Ben sent me searching my blog archives for a picture of Harry sleeping against Ben that I remembered from around this time (December, actually) in 2006:

Where does the time go? A string of blessedly ordinary days and bam! Kindergarten. Cooper rolled over today (he did it last week, too, but I didn't see it with my own eyes so I thought one of the big boys climbed in the crib and flipped him over, but today I saw him do it), and tomorrow he'll be packing his bags for college. I'll probably still be hunched over the kitchen counter eating graham crackers.

Kindergarteners are ridiculous

2011-11-03T10:40:00.006-05:00

I volunteer in Harry's class, and today I could hear raised little voices spilling into the hallway on my approach (in wide-leg jeans that are so long I can only wear them with booties that have a giant wedge heel, but I don't want to get them hemmed because they are only INTERIM JEANS and hemming them feels like an admission that my ass will always be this big). It sounded like the kids were instructing the teacher, an unusual twist. Maybe it's opposite day, I thought, considering how such a day would rock Harry's routine world. Not quite. They had a sub, and Harry and the rest of the whiny gap-tooths were making sure she did absolutely everything exactly like their real teacher does every day, so help her. They use dashes when they write the date, not slashes! She should not pass out the paper for writing workshop-- they get their own! The tutor basket is blue, not pink! I looked at the teacher over 17 self-righteous heads. "They're so cute?" I said. "I am only here for the morning," she replied.

Harry brought home a turkey with the instructions to do a family art project and disguise the turkey to keep him safe from ending up as someone's main Thanksgiving course.

We all helped Harry make Super Turkey

Jack ate 2 fruit-like substances yesterday-- craisins and apple cider. A red letter day for him. (He also ate TJ's jarred peaches at dinner! More fruit than he's ever had in a day)

We've also been making a conscious effort o do more puzzles with him-- he's been puzzle deprived

Coop fell asleep during tummy time, and Ben made fun of him.

Mundane

2011-11-02T11:42:00.005-05:00

Cooper slept 9 hours in his own room last night-- from 8 to 5. After he ate at 5, he drifted back to sleep (after many minutes of smiling and cooing) at around 6. I took advantage of a still quiet house (big boys asleep; Ben getting dressed to teach downstairs so he wouldn't wake the baby) to jump up and get a head start on my day. Since 6 this morning, I have pumped for my freezer stash; bagged the milk; washed the pump; assembled a pasta, sausage and cheese casserole for dinner (including cooking the meat and the noodles); made Harry and Jack breakfast; made their beds; wrestled them into their clothes; supervised their grooming routines; switched the laundry; fed the baby again; worked out on my elliptical; walked Harry to school; fed the baby again; watched Mega Mind with Jack while doing some work; dozed while Coooper napped and Jack played around me; switched the laundry again; fed the baby again; made lunch for Jack and me. Phew!

I have a lofty goal for today: get dressed in jeans. I finally took your advice and bought fat pants. But they are not that fat-- a perfectly respectable size, actually-- just not a size I'd like to buy. Specifically one size bigger than some of my jeans and 2 sizes bigger than others.

I might also fold some laundry.

There's always the thrilling question: can I clean up lunch before it's time to feed the baby again? And, can I get dressed in those fat jeans before my husband comes home mid afternoon? Oh! And what the heck am I going to do once I cross all those super important items off the list?

How do I stand all of the excitement?

Jack at the farmers market enjoying an always in season donut:

Random milestone alert! Cooper has outgrown the Moby wrap's newborn hug hold and has graduated to the hug hold-- see his dangling feet?

Naptime

2011-11-01T09:10:00.006-05:00

In order to get Cooper to fall asleep I have to sit still in front of his cradle and stare at him. He periodically opens his eyes to make sure I am still there. When he snores, it is safe for me to move.

He's snoring now.

I am going to take him to Target when he wakes up to buy a baby monitor. Can you believe this is our third kid and we have no baby monitor? Our first apartment and our condo were both too small to need them. At night, my shower has been disturbing Cooper, and he comes dangerously close to grunting himself awake every night at 10:30. This might mean it's time for me to put his cradle in his room and begin the transition to his crib, which I would like to do in the next few weeks, before he is old enough to form habits that are hard to change. He can't sleep in his cradle when he starts to move and roll, but by then, he might be too attached to it to transition smoothly. I am nervous to screw up the great thing we have going right now, though. I put Cooper in his jammies and swaddle him at 7:30. He eats and is out by 8-ish. Then I get to hang out with Ben kid-free for a couple hours, and I still have time to shower, read my new book, and be asleep before 11. Cooper wakes once at 2 or 3, and he sleeps in bed with me until around 6, when it's time to get the big boys up. I nurse him lying down in the middle of he night, so I really only have to wake up enough to grab him from his cradle and get us snuggled back down-- then I am free to fall asleep again. This means I have been sleeping about 7 hours a night, and if moving him to his own room disturbs my sleep, I'll leave him with me forever.

Forever.

I was looking at his funny old man hairline the other night before I fell asleep, just staring at him over the edge of my bed enjoying how great it feels to be able to sleep on my stomach again. I thought to myself I cant wait to see him when he is a bald old man-- I bet he looks just like this. And I realized that I don't get to know him like this when he's a bald old man-- that's not how it works. I get the beginning, so if he needs me to stare at him until he drifts off at night and for naps, if he likes his cradle in my room, if he wants to wake up at 3 and sleep the rest of the night with me until he's in college, it's all okay. Also, male pattern baldness runs in my family, so I probably will see this hairline again. Just a maudlin midnight moment, but one that made me think about my kids' futures and what I want for them. I hope they all find wonderful life partners, people who will sit motionless at the edges of beds.

Jack and Harry both ate candy first thing this morning after breakfast, stuck their fat little arms right in their grocery bags of loot and looked at Ben and me like they couldn't believe we didn't stop them. Jack went for M&Ms (which he and Harry both call N&Ns) and Harry licked a sucker into a flat spitty blob and then made Ben stick it on a plate in the fridge so he can finish it after school. Yum. As you know, my special snowflakes never have HFCS and rarely if ever have artificial dyes in their food, but I am super cool about Halloween candy, mainly because I know the novelty will wear off quicker the cooler I am. Also because they are at school right now metabolizing those chemicals and are NOT MY PROBLEM.

Halloween used to make me feel bitter and have-not-y because we didn't live in a real neighborhood. Last year, I remember standing next to Ben while our kids knocked on doors in a neighborhood we drove to (and spent the whole time feeling like the biggest posers) and saying over and over again that we needed a new house before next Halloween.

Check.

Yesterday (or, technically, late Sunday night), Harry woke up at 11:59, or as he said, one-one-five-nine, asking if he could put on his costume yet. But no tantrums all day or night. The best moment was when Jack realized the true meaning of Halloween. He came flying down a driveway and screamed, "Let's go to another house! I will get more candy for my candy box, right?" Then he unwrapped a full-size Hershey bar and ate it while he tromped along, smearing his face with chocolate, his monster claws flapping on the sidewalk.

Flat head?

2011-10-28T19:56:00.007-05:00

Harry and Jack always rejoice on sheet changing day. Because it's really BED JUMPING DAY, and what could be more fun than that??

I'll tell you: staring mindlessly at your VERY UNSAFE crib bumpers

Don't worry-- he doesn't actually sleep in that crib-- it is purely for show. He sleeps in a Fisher Price Newborn Rock-n-Play Sleeper, and it gets amazing online reviews from people like me who can't believe that their tiny babies sleep through the night. BUT some people blame it for their babies' flat heads because it has hard plastic under the headrest. Ben and I don't think it feels any harder than a Pack n Play mattress, but now I am super paranoid and might buy a Boppy Noggin Nest to slip under the cover. What do you think? Did your baby get a flat head if he slept on his back? Coop already has bald patch, and the sleeper (and his carseat where he rarely is because he HATES it-- he might also hate Kohls, too.) are covered with his little tiny hairs.

Today was a looooooong day. I forgot how hard it is to deal with both Harry and Jack all day. H did not have school, and nether did J, and so the 4 of us were together all day. It's not that Harry is any trouble by himself; it's just that the 2 of them together SUCK. They play happily to a point, but then it's flapping and whining and tattling and general non compliance. When Ben came home, Jack actually tattled on me, saying "Her scream at us when we not clean up our toys." Well, um, yeah. Pretty much.

But we also did art! As you can see, Harry is cutting, and Jack is drinking the Halloween sprinkles they glued on their pictures:

First they made pumpkins

Then I realized that only took like 15 minutes, and we still had HOURS TO GO, so they made spiders.

Then they picked out books to read quietly on the mat while I vacuumed up sprinkles. As long as it looks like a preschool in there, they might as well act like preschoolers, right?

We have all gotten fatter since I ran out of cooking spray and started rubbing everything with butter

2011-10-26T19:41:00.005-05:00

It's not the food prep that has always stopped me from cooking complex meals. It's the clean up. Before dinner everyone's happy, but after? In that interminable cluster before bath? Everyone loses his shit. Which is why tonight I am going to spend my "me" time after Cooper is asleep and before I shower cleaning the floor. Clean up takes longer now, too, because while Ben has corralled all 3 in the basement, I run around doing little stuff I didn't have free hands to do all day-- wipe toothpaste out of sinks and off of vanity drawer fronts, lay out tomorrow's school clothes, make sure Harry's homework folder is empty, stuff small gloves and mittens into tomorrow's coat pockets, rehome shoes scattered on the laundry room floor, put away yesterday's pacifiers and pump parts from the drying rack, wash today's pump after bagging today's milk, roam the house collecting today's pacifiers and washing them. Tonight I also got to clean pee off the floor in the downstairs bathroom and roasted tomato pieces off the oven rack, door, and walls in addition to the usual counter and table wiping, dishwasher loading, lunch packing, dish washing, and taking out an island full of recycling. But I still have a better time than Ben, who has to deal with 3 crabby kids. Which is why tonight, we realized everything would be more fun when the entire 5 and under crowd went the $%*& to sleep. The old, caffeinated me would have powered through clean up at the expense of a crying baby, frazzled husband and squabbling brothers because I lived my life at the edge of a slippery slope, and if I have to wash the floor tonight after the baby goes to bed THEN I WILL NEVER HAVE FREE TIME AGAIN EVER IN MY LIFE WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LOVE ME? During my pregnancy, we hated cleaning up dinner during arsenic hour so much that we half-assed our diners all summer. We ate a cut of meat that could be grilled, salad straight from a bag, berries or melon, and a vegetable every night unless we went out (lots) or ordered in (too messy). No sauces, no frills, no crumbs, usually only messy under Jack's chair. I don't actually know why we have decided to complicate things with new recipes (we made this tonight and it was delicious). Pinterest, probably, and the delightful return of sweater weather.

Seriously, you guys, the caffeine thing? Unbelievable. I rode up to my office the other day in an elevator and wasn't even hesitant about it. A couple months ago, I made a hospital security guard unlock some emergency stairs and escort me up to Jack's ENT appointment after climbing out of the parking garage because I refused to get in the elevator. Even now, the baby is grunting and popping his eyes open and spitting out hi pacifier only to cry for me to put it back in and just generally NOT going to sleep, and I am not a bit anxious even though-- get ready to clutch your pearls-- my kitchen floor is a mess. Even this poem that always used to make me roll my eyes:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,Lullaby, rockabye, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peek-a-boo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby lullaby loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

makes total sense this time around. Is it that we know with certainty that Cooper is our last? Or is it the decaf?

The only thing I want to rush is the damn weight loss.

Oh! Harry's school celebrated crazy hair day today:

I am proud to report his coif looked exactly like that after school, despite wearing a hat outside for 2 recesses. I am a master hair sprayer. I didn't live through the 80s for nothing.

Little Pumpkins

2011-10-25T20:33:00.021-05:00

Because I am no longer drinking caffeine, I was able to chill the hell out and tell myself that someday I would cook meals again and someday I would wear workout clothes because I was working out. Thankfully, those days have come. (Although I still wear workout clothes just because, too, because despite your advice, I cannot/will not buy big jeans. I did buy a bunch of dresses and leggings, though.)

I have been buying good spices from Penzey's (which is a freaking awesome store, by the way), and we have been actually purchasing oil at the oil and scotch store my brother manages. We've been planning meals and clipping recipes from magazines. It's been fun and delicious. Tonight we had spicy chicken curry in the slow cooker from Family Circle, and tomorrow we're doing a sausage and pasta from Real Simple. Last week, I made chicken soup from scratch for the first time, and we had a really easy chicken parmesan casserole. Clearly, we like chicken. We're having it again on Thursday, but by Friday, we're branching out to pork for some apricot mustard glazed chops.

Our cooking spurt is a huge improvement over Cooper's first 2 or 3 weeks, when all we could do was make deli sandwiches, order deli sandwich delivery, or call for a pizza. I am so relieved that we could squeeze food prep into our daily routines.

And we got our elliptical, and I have used it everyday, thank goodness. Ben got me season 1 of the Gilmore Girls for Chrismukkah, and I have been watching an episode a day-- 42 minutes is the perfect workout length for me. I should be in great shape by the time I work my way through the whole series. If I can stop eating everything in the pantry. And honeycrisp apples by the bushel. Apples are healthy, I know, but the volume of my apple consumption is startling. And expensive-- I spent over $30 on apples last week. Gilmore Girls is the best of last decade rolled into one show. I forgot how much I used to love Macy Gray!

Ben's parents came over last weekend, and we had so much fun.

Playing football at the park:

Some competitive teeter tottering

Climbing
Swinging

Today, sick of Harry's nagging, we finally carved our damn pumpkins

My 3 sons (one of whom is a pizza face)

2011-10-20T13:45:00.003-05:00

Harry at 8 weeks:
Jack at 10 weeks:
Cooper at 6 weeks:

Blah

2011-10-19T09:03:00.005-05:00

I am feeling pretty fat and gross these days. I was pretty zen about it at first and had a good time hanging out in my stretchy clothes. Then I tried to find some clothes to wear the my weekly staff meetings for the course I direct. OMG. So many strike outs. Cooper is 6 weeks old on Friday, and I am nowhere near my old jeans. I don't want to buy bigger jeans because I don't want to WEAR bigger jeans. I mean, what if I outgrew them and had to buy bigger bigger jeans? I would hate that. So, I have a couple skirts in acceptable sizes, some yoga pants, sweats, and a couple pairs of jeggings. And everything is tight. Also all of my pants are pilling in the thighs, which is not a good sign but is a sign of frequent rubbing. Ugh. I keep looking back to old blogs to see what I was wearing at this point post partum with the other kids-- lots of stretchy clothes. But I don't remember feeling so gross.

I used all available brain cells doing a work project this week, and I have to drag the baby to my office to collect 2 crucial books so I can finish it and get it in the mail and off my kitchen table, erm, desk tomorrow. This book gathering will take hours and make me sweat because of my tiny companion and my supremely shitty parking pass which cost more than a designer tote bag and entitles me to park in a garage with no spots free when I get to campus. Handy.

I am running out of things to whine about, so let's talk baby sleep. Cooper has no predictable nap pattern even though I have been tracking his sleep for a week with a cool phone app to see if a schedule is emerging. It's not. He also eats every 1-1.5 hours all day, with an unpredictable 2+ hour nap thrown in there somewhere, meaning I can never use it to my advantage because I don't know when it will happen. But all of this is fine because he has a BEDTIME! And he sleeps between 6 and 9 hours in a row at night. One feeding (sometimes none!)! BUT, it is so hard to get him to go back to sleep after that feeding. Last night, he slept from 8:50 to 3:30. Awesome! But he didn't go back down until 5. Not awesome!

Look how awake he is in the wee hours:
I have tried putting him down at 7 when the big boys start their routine, but for some reason, that makes him wake up every 3 hours all night long. So, he reads to Harry with me and cat naps in his bouncer while I shower. Around 8:30, I put him in one of those silly sleepers that are like giant shirts and swaddle him in a Miracle Blanket. He eats, rocks in his cradle, and between 9 and 9:30 conks out, meaning I am free! Ben and I are almost caught up with our DVR. Of course I am sure the 6-week growth spurt will totally knock that routine on its ass. Soon.

Speaking of Ben! He went on a field trip with Jack's class yesterday and got some cute pics:

A great baby

2011-10-16T21:29:00.011-05:00

Okay, you guys. I am just going to say it. Cooper is an awesome baby. A dream baby. SUCH a great baby. I'd go into detail but I don't want to totally screw myself over.

He LOVES his little baby gym-- loves it!

He hung out like this almost the whole time I made and frosted a caramel apple cake that I pinned and then actually MADE (it kind of sucked, though. the apple cider icing had 8 CUPS of powdered sugar and was too, too, too sweet even for me). (note the abandoned stool-- Jack was helping. the most helpful thing he did? leave the room for a minute).
He always looks really interested in the gym, too-- the toys, the mat, the yellow circle on top-- he loves it all.
In his quest to once again be the baby, jack likes to take a turn in the baby gym. Here he is demonstrating the finer points of tummy time:

Cooper does not get to spend as much time on the floor as I'd like him to and as he would probably like to because his big brothers are SUPER FREAKING DANGEROUS around his spongy little baby head. (look at Jack)

We did some home improvements this weekend. Ben finally hung up his favorite baseball, football, basketball and hockey cards in the basement, and he has big plans to mount some autographed balls, too. We even put up (sports) pictures in the downstairs bathroom. We also rearranged some furniture in the guest room, but that was more like a home unimprovement-- it looks like hell, but now we have room for our elliptical machine to be delivered. (seriously the whole room is crammed into half the room, so we have plenty of room for the machine). I let my gym membership lapse and was reluctant to join a new one because I can't really take Cooper to the daycare during cold and flu season. So, we decided to try working out at home. I'll let you know how it goes.

iPhone iphoto idump

2011-10-12T09:19:00.010-05:00

I wish I was short enough to do this-- it looks relaxing.

Jack is really into setting up elaborate scenes for his guys. He's adjusting something at Joker's house here, and you can tell from his expression that he's not messing around.
I posted most of my pumpkin patch pics on FB, but here they are enjoying a snack.
Bought a totally stupid amount of random crap at Costco yesterday and scored this gym for Cooper. He loved it!
It even has a cute little tummy time pillow.
Hated this. He noticed the mobile for the first time and HATED IT.
I think he was over stimulated-- he needed a swaddle and a pacifier ASAP.
Harry did his hair for school pictures this morning. I forgot to take a picture of him in his tie. It was epic.
Exercise is hard for a baby.

One month already???

2011-10-09T17:26:00.009-05:00

Cooper continues to be The Best Baby Ever, and we love him so much. Harry says he loves him the most because he's the cutest, which is true. Not much cuter than a baby. Except maybe a baby dog. Or a baby chicken. A kitten, maybe.

I am going to a meeting tomorrow, and I have no angst about it at all because I am just leaving the kids with Ben-- how fantastic is that? (Plus I might actually take Cooper with me).

Gotta go-- it's family movie night, and we are watching The Lion King, which I haven't seen since I was in high school.

Oh! For comparison's sake, here are links to Harry and Jack at one month.

Stream

2011-10-06T15:30:00.004-05:00

I should be putting laundry away, but for some reason it didn't get all the way dry, so my towels and pajamas are being tossed around in the dryer again. The big boys are sick with strep (but can go back to school tomorrow! or at least the biggest one can-- the bigger boy doesn't have school on Fridays) and are geeking out to Star Wars movie 3 of 3-- it has been a long day, and they have marathoned their way through the first 3 episodes. The baby is sleeping and has been all afternoon, which is good because he did not sleep all morning. But oh did he keep trying! Finally at Old Navy he slept like an angel in the Moby while I bought $300 worth of crap that looked horrible on me. Ben returned all of it on his way to class today except for a pair of tights, a button down, and a cardigan, which would be a cute outfit, but I feel like something would be missing. Oh yeah. Pants. Because I am too wide for any pants in any size I am going to buy. Also not a good look for me right now? Tunics and leggings. Also Old Navy has these awkward skirts -- sweater skirts-- that are cute on the hanger but dreadful on me. So stretchy cotton skirts and yoga pants and baggy t-shirts it is. But I need to go to a meeting on Monday, and I would very much like to NOT wear my jammy-clothes. (Although I am seconds away from ordering Pajama Jeans.) So maybe Cooper and I will troll the mall later tonight. It has to be less germy than my strepped out house. I would love to be outside right now. It's 75 and sunny and perfect and should be just like this until next Wednesday when it is supposed to rain, at which time it will turn gray and bleak and cold. Until April. But the baby is sleeping, and I can't move the sickies from the couch. I may have to wake the baby, though, because he needs to eat soon for both our sakes. Speaking of, a lovely neighbor just brought us a fantastic dinner. The dinners we have gotten from neighbors definitely put my nightly cooking to shame. As soon as the baby is a predictable sleeper, I swear I am going to be a better cook. Also, I will exercise, clean out my dresser drawers, and paint my nails. Someday.

Not his best angle.
Jack's school has a kid-sized nest in the yard. It was their community art project this term.
Jack is dancing like a chicken, or so he claims.
So sweet.

Think They're brothers?

2011-10-05T21:51:00.002-05:00

Jack, 4.5 weeks old

Cooper, 3.5 weeks old

Assorted

2011-10-05T10:37:00.005-05:00

I have been trying to get Cooper to take a nap for 40 minutes, and it just occurred to me to tuck his arms into the swaddle. He's out like a light. Unfortunately because it took me 40 minutes of rocking and popping his pacifier back in to figure him out, he'll not be asleep for long because the kid likes to EAT.

We have gotten our first round of school viruses. Harry was sick last weekend, but he was fine to go to school on Monday. Jack also went to school on Monday, but he was sick last Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. He started to feel better on Friday, but he was a huge crabby crabster because when he was sick he got all the iPad and TV he wanted, but as soon as he felt better, we made him limit his screen time again, and this DID NOT GO OVER WELL.

Ben came down with whatever they had on Monday, and he seems to have it way worse than the kids-- high fever, sore throat, cough. I keep telling him he is so brave, which cracks us both up. He has been fever free since Monday night, but he is still grimacing when he swallows and can't touch the baby.

See how brave?

Right before he donned that blanket, he said how much he regretted mocking and eventually trashing his birthday Snuggie from a few years ago. It would be great when you have a 102.8 degree fever. Also, with 3 kids, no adult really get to be sick, and Ben has been awesome this week. I know it is easy to complain about sick men being big man babies, but he hasn't been at all.

Jack and I have been playing lots of Zingo

Today after kindergarten drop off, we ran to the store to get something to bring to Jack's preschool welcome potluck tonight. Because I wanted to fit our trip into one of Cooper's naps, we went to the store closest to us which is a plain grocery store, not our usual TJ's or Whole Foods. Jack was so excited to see the snacks he normally only sees in friend's lunches or at his grandparents' houses. And I said yes to the kind of crap he never gets to buy like Milano cookies, Oreos instead of Joe Joes and Scooby snacks instead of $8 organic grahams. He even got Dora soup and delighted in a whole aisle with "Soup just for kids!" I drew the line at yogurt with hormones and HFCS and made him get Stoneyfield farm or whatever the hell it is called, but still! A red letter day for him.

Now Cooper is sleeping, and we are going to play outside.

Oh look! Somebody likes Sophie!

Sloven

2011-10-04T21:24:00.005-05:00

I have been shopping all day, which was way less fun than it sounds because I was wearing the baby the whole time and had Jack with me part of the time. Also, I am way too fat for all my real clothes, and I am not spending tons of money on fat clothes, so I limited myself to Old Navy and H&M, which are not in the same mall. I went to ON twice and will be back on Thursday when Ben is home and I don;t have to wear the baby. I'll also be returning to H&M to return pretty much everything I bought except for one floral dress and slouchy cardigan, which will be awesome with the boots I got at Old Navy-- I got some flat brown boots for $25, and at that price I don't care if they fall apart after 5 wears. I am also keeping an ON denim pencil skirt. And that's it. I bought and returned (or will return) 3 dresses, 3 camis, a cardigan, 2 skirts, and 2 blouses. Eff.

Can I just tell you that my personal standard of grooming/beauty has taken a nose dive since Cooper was born. My house is still clean, and my kids look great, but I have been wearing saggy nursing tanks and yoga pants for 3.5 weeks. Sometimes with a faded hoodie or a baggy t-shirt. OMG. I am so over it. I shower at night and slather my stretched out self with Bio Oil. In the morning after I pump and before the big kids need breakfast, I have 7.5 minutes to flat iron my hair, french braid my bangs (oh yes! you read that right! I am growing out my bangs since I already look like shit, and I have been french braiding them into a little bang head band everyday except those days when I jam them into clips and force them straight back into a messy frizzed out ponytail-- DREAMY), and apply moisturizer, concealer, blush, eye shadow, and mascara. I keep a tinted lip balm in my diaper bag, but since I rarely go anywhere besides Harry's school for 30 seconds in the morning and 30 more in the afternoon, I almost never use the lip balm. Shit.

Okay, the baby is swaddled, pacified (neither of my other kids took a pacifier, but this kid does, and it is the best thing EVER), and in his Rock and Play cradle where he is neither rocking nor playing-- he's sleeping! So I need to sleep, too because babies suck at sleeping.

But that's okay because they are adorable!

The 4th Trimester

2011-09-29T16:15:00.013-05:00

I feel like I am trapped on the couch, which was fun for awhile because Dance Moms is THAT good (seriously, watch it on Hulu right now!) (and before you ask, it is nothing like Toddlers and Tiaras-- more like Drop Dead Gorgeous/ Waiting for Guffman). This whole week, though, the couch has been making me twitchy. I am ready to ease back into my old life. And to get out of what Up All Night called sweatpants purgatory.

I have eaten SO MUCH candy corn, and none of my real clothes fit yet, so even though I am looking forward to going to campus for meetings again soon, I may have to go in sweatpants. Wearing the baby.

Sleep. Ah, I remember just 3 short weeks ago when I used to sleep all night long. Sometime in the next 12 months, that should happen again, right? Right? RIGHT??? Cooper does this cute thing where after he eats at 2 or 3 am, he grunts loudly (in his sleep) until around 6 or 7 when he poops loud enough to be heard from the kitchen. I can't sleep through the grunts. For awhile (a couple of days)I thought he was crying during this time, and I would change and burp and try to feed him. This just pissed him off. He is the loudest sleeper I have ever met.

Which brings me to the title of this post. I have been attached to this baby 24/7 since he was born, and I love it. That's why I happily-ish sleep next to his grunts. I think Dr. Sears sucks a little because he makes working women feel so shitty, but I am a baby wearer by nature. As much as I complain, I love feeling his little body snuggled up to my chest as I go throughout my day. I love sitting on the couch holding him until my arms fall asleep and I have seen every episode of a Baby Story at least once. I love sleeping beside his loud, loud, loud noises. (Tonight, I am going to try to get him to sleep in his bouncy chair after his 2-ish am feeding because maybe if he is slightly sitting up, he can poop without so much fanfare?)

Oh! Yes! Pictures? Of course!

Harry hurt this finger at school today when he shut it in the bathroom door:
Cooper hanging out while Harry took a bath the other night. He loves Harry, by the way. LOVES him. Would stare at him for as long as Harry will let him.
Baby wearing-- clearly I needed to tuck in his head a little more.
Jack watching Super Hero Squad on Ben's iPad at football on Saturday (Ben coaches Harry's football team, and it is the cutest thing I have ever seen-- a bunch of 5 and 6 year-olds playing flag football.)
I have been buying Cooper a lot of Halloween-themed outfits. Why not? he;s going to outgrow them in a matter of weeks anyway, so he might as well be seasonal. (And H and J's baby Halloween clothes are WAY too big)
He's starting to not mind hanging out in his bouncer from time to time. And right now? he is going on 1.5 hours in his Rock and Play cradle. (And now that I said that he'll wake up screaming, but in the mean time, we got to eat dinner all together, and I cleaned the kitchen while Ben wrestled with Harry and Jack-- usually Ben is on Cooper duty after dinner, and the big boys have to entertain themselves)
Jack is gathering super heroes for the bath (you would not believe how many toys he bathes with on a daily basis), and that blur beside him is Harry
I keep trying to get a picture of Cooper's super adorable dimple, but no luck so far, just a lot of extreme close ups.
Ben and Harry on the football field

And that's about it. Our days sort of bleed into each other. Cooper is, of course, too little for a routine, but the rest of us crave one, so we are doing our best to fit him into our schedule of school drop offs and pick ups, football and soccer, laundry.

I love rolling out of bed and walking Harry across the street to school. We usually leave when we hear the first bell, and this is a benefit I could enjoy for the next 10 or 11 years depending on when Cooper can start kindergarten. We have some really lovely neighbors, and 2 little boys who each live a block or so away are in Harry's class. The woman across the street from us is due to have a baby any minute, and Jack is in love with a little girl who lives by the park-- all of the kids could have neighborhood friends.

I am not teaching again until spring, but I am getting ready to do the other part of my job on campus. I am slowly building a stash of frozen breast milk (even though I am only going to miss about one feeding a week, it feels good to accumulate little bags of freedom should I ever want to redeem them), and I did buy some dressy stretchy clothes at Old Navy a few days before Cooper was born.

I'd really love to lose weight faster, but I can't stop eating graham crackers and candy corn. And honey crisp apples, but they're healthy at least. I've added in a 30 minute walk most days of the week, but I wear Cooper, so it's not like I am going very fast.

He's a cute baby, and we are all fascinated with him, and things are boring, boring, boring, boring around here.

The good hormones

2011-09-22T05:59:00.006-05:00

Ben keeps giving me hard time because he swears that this baby is my favorite baby. That's not true, of course, but I am having some of the good hormones this time around, the ones that make me burst into tears because I just love him so much (like Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona) instead of the ones that make my eyes burn red lasers into everyone. I think it's because I am caffeine free and have been since September 9th. I am way more chill than usual (which is still way less chill than most normal people). I feel like I could actually board a plane or ride an elevator, and I have occasionally taken short calls on my cell phone without speaker phone or my headset, and I haven't been paralyzed with thoughts of brain cancer. Progress, people. Baby steps.

Part of why I am so into this grunty little baby, though, is because he's it. The last one. I know I said that after Jack but that was only because Ben was done having kids, and I figured the best way to make sure we had another was to not act like I wanted a another (persuasion FTW!-- it's all about audience analysis). But this time? Done for real. (Although we do have enough bedrooms for everyone to have his own even with one more baby-- even this fact does not persuade me, and I'll tell you why).

I never want to go through labor and delivery ever again. Pregnancy was fine-- a little shitty there at the interminable end, but fine. Fun, even, because having a giant belly cracks me up and lots of maternity clothes are adorable these days.

But actual childbirth? Gah. And the thing is, Cooper's L&D was PERFECT. Because I was 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I didn't have to wear a monitor (but I would have at 41 weeks, so I barely dodged that bullet), and I got the completely intervention-free delivery I have always wanted. 10 minutes before I started pushing, I was outside my room walking the halls and drinking a Sierra Mist (no HFCS-- pretty cool). Pushing only took 26 minutes. I was in the shower right after he was born and felt 100% fine 2 hours later. I had NO recovery pain-- a few cramps while nursing that Motrin fixed. When he rounded the day after Cooper was born and asked me about my pain, I told my OB I had been pain free since the placenta came out. He wanted to discharge me after 24 hours, but I was like OMG no way I have 2 kids at home and am staying here in this quiet room until Sunday. Labor was my dream experience. Contractions were AGONIZING, but it was a clean pain-- the minute the contraction was over, I felt completely fine and 100% normal. (Except when the baby's head was crowning. Jesus.) It was truly the labor I have always wanted. But it was still horribly painful and grueling and even though I have done it before, there was some time around 9 centimeters until he was out that I was really panicked, was unable to ride the waves of pain, thought-- really believed-- that I was going to die. And really, I just never want to do it again, but I also wouldn't want to do it any other way, if that makes sense.

My only regret is that Harry was the only baby I got to hold on my chest right after birth still connected, and I didn't appreciate that magical moment. (I blame the super strong epidural and the fact that I had been left to "labor down" so long that my contraction stopped, and pushing him out was weird and rough and numb). Jack was blue and whisked away immediately, and Cooper was covered with meconium and needed to be suctioned by the NICU team. Both Cooper and Jack were returned within minutes and tucked neatly under my hospital gown, which was lovely, but still. That iconic moment where the doctor flops the baby onto my chest-- I would have liked that more than once when all was said and done. But if that is my only complaint? I need to accept my blessings and move on.

So, this baby. He's so small and he sleeps so loudly (another thing I forgot about infants)

His brothers LOVE him (Jack looks subdued here because I didn't have the flash on, so I told him he needed to be perfectly still. Apparently, he has to make a Precious Moment face to accomplish that feat.

I am sure the good hormones are going to ebb away, and I will be all tired and bitchy and anxious again before I know it, but until then, isn't he sweet?

Adventures in babywearing

2011-09-20T10:09:00.008-05:00

If you have a newborn or are going to have a baby, you have got to get this baby carrier with the infant insert.

Totally snuggly and amazing

After kindergarten drop off, we took a lovely walk around the neighborhood, and afterward Cooper slept happily snuggled inside the carrier like a little pea in a pod while I had a snack and did some work. Perfect.

I still also love the Moby, and made Ben understand that we needed to keep them both.

Thanks to my new found 2-handed mobility, we went apple picking

Which totally wore Cooper out

We did a little tummy time. I forgot all about tummy time. Is it still recommended?

I took about a thousand pictures of him for his birth announcements, which got old fast

The great thing about a newborn is that he makes me be present all the time. The moment is the only moment-- he needs something always. So I have just been holding him and kissing him and breathing him. And watching HGTV.

Grandpa Jack

2011-09-17T20:37:00.003-05:00

We lost him today at age 91. He was old and sick, and he is at peace now. At least, that's what we told the children and what my grandma told me today because I am still a child, too, to at least a few more people.

This picture is so great because it's not recent-- look at that computer! And the huge ash tray! But it could have been taken any day because that's what Grandpa Jack did in his den-- he sat at his desk on the radio or the computer. When this image popped up on the scanner, Ben said , "That's how your grandpa looked every time I saw him."

I'll miss him, of course, but I might not know how much until I go into that room and there's no swivel, no eyebrows-raised smile, no body folded into the recliner in front of the TV. Anymore.

Cooper is a week old!

2011-09-16T11:17:00.010-05:00

Things I forgot about newborns:

How much laundry they generate (srsly-- the kid pees through at least 2 pairs of pajamas a night, soaks a couple swaddle blankets in a 24 hour period and had his first poop bow out this morning).

How often they eat (takes at least a half an hour to get him to eat both sides and burp; then he eats eat a little bit more s he can fall asleep-- then he wants to do it all again-- plus a diaper change-- about 45 minutes later. So I have been hanging out on the couch watching lots of TLC).

How truly wonderful it is to snuggle with them (that downy head! That milky smell! That warm little neck! Those smooth, squishy cheeks! Almost makes me sad that this is my last baby. I always kind of thought we'd have one more after this, but oh my god! Childbirth is HORRIBLE and I don't ever want to do it again. Ever.)

I got Cooper these cute little stickers on Etsy to put on his onesies for his monthly pictures, and they came with a bonus newborn sticker:

The wild west theme made way more sense when I ordered them because this was his name-to-be:

Our pediatrician laughed and laughed when I admitted with some surprise that I hadn't done a damn thing to clean the baby since he was born (I mean, he got a bath at the hospital, but since then, nothing!). He said I should at least remember to take pictures of the kid. So today, I both washed AND photographed him. Big brother Jack was on hand to help, but he was moving too fast for me to photograph.
Cooper found the whole bath process weird and startling, but he didn't cry.

Things have improved a bit here since Ben bought me a Moby wrap and a Petunia Picklebottom Ergo with a cute little infant insert. I was freaking out because Cooper needs to be 8 pounds for the Bjorn, and he was only 7 pounds 7 ounces a the doc on Tuesday. Now I have a couple baby wearing options, which is good because I had to walk Harry to school this chilly morning. I swaddled Cooper, stuffed him in the Moby (which looks like the world's ugliest shirt), and zipped my fleece around us both. Super glam, but he was protected from kindergarten germs. Not sure how preschool drop off will go on Monday. I am thinking that I'll use the car seat and stroller, but I KNOW people are going to want to look a him, and I like the hands-off vibe that the wrap exudes because he is only going to be 10 days old on Monday and the only place germier than an elementary school is a preschool. It just seems like a PITA to put on in the preschool parking lot with both Jack and Harry in tow. (The logistics of drop offs are kind of screwy on Mondays).

I have been taking pictures of course.

I like the Miracle blanket Cooper's wearing, but I like the Aden + Anais blankets WAAAAAY better-- they are AWESOME.

Love his little sad face

The proud biggest brother

The bigger brother looking a little menacing

Ha! Caught him mid startle

Hanging in there

2011-09-13T09:23:00.004-05:00

I always wondered what people meant when they talked about how going from 2-3 was harder than going from 1-2. Harder in what way, I thought? I remembered all the holding and the feeding and the doing things one-handed. And I am a total freakshow about keeping my wood floors spotlessly clean, so I thought floor maintenance might be a bit harder. And it is for sure.

But for me, the harder part is that I have absolutely no patience for Harry and Jack. I am okay with one of them at a time (not great but OK), but together? Forget about it. And they are going out of their way to screw with us. It's like they have forgotten every rule. Discarded every routine. I don't want to be a nagging shrew, but for goodness sake just SIT ON THE CHAIR when you eat your breakfast! Or maybe don't karate chop your brother 2 inches from the baby's squishy head. Just STOP SCREAMING at me.

So. Yeah. I feel like I am doing okay with the baby but I kind of suck at taking care of the big kids. Anybody else feel this way in the beginning? How'd you get over it? Luckily Ben and my mom are around to do fun stuff like fly kites!

It's a vicious cycle, right? Thy feel like I only love the baby because I am constantly consumed by his care. So they act out to see if I still love them. I get pissed and confirm their worst fears, so then they keep acting shitty, and I keep harping at them. Ugh.

I need to take a nap (and, since because of the timing of Cooper's birth, I have not had any caffeine since the morning of 9-8, I can nap whenever I want! Actually, I feel great decaff-- no, or little to no, anxiety and minimal sleep troubles-- totally counter intuitive.)

Cooper Dennis- late and snuggly

2011-09-09T18:24:00.009-05:00

That's me pausing to have a contraction when we got to the hospital around 7 this morning, when the pain was pesky-- something I could smile through.

Yesterday I scheduled my induction for either the 12th or the 13th, talked with my doctor about the myriad interventions that could follow my promised pitocin drip, set up some pre-natal testing for today to make sure the baby's decrepit placenta could continue to support him through the weekend and generally freaked out.

I woke up at 2:45 this morning with uncomfortable contractions 8 minutes apart. I went downstairs to watch the movie Everybody's Fine and time them obsessively. By 5:50, they hurt and were 4 minutes apart. I woke up Ben. We called the hospital, and he canceled his class. we made some coffee, called my brother and headed to triage, where I was only a measly 3.5 cm. What a pisser.

We walked the halls for awhile because Cooper's heart beat was a cheerful 140 bpm the whole damn time no matter how terrible I felt, and when the resident checked again, I was 5 cm and admitted to a birth suite. The last birth suite. And the only one without a tub. I hung out in a hot shower for almost an hour and when I got out, I was only 6.5 cm and again pretty annoyed.

At this point, when a contraction struck, I would lean over the side of my bed, bury my face in a pillow, and make Ben rub my back. I could still breathe through them, so the nurse suggested we walk the halls again, and we decided I didn't need an epidural. Because, you guys, when i wasn't in increasing agony, I felt FINE. Totally and completely normal in fact.

Unfortunately, on our walk around the L&D loop, I had 4 contractions in about 6 minutes and tried to literally climb the walls. I thought I was going to die. We passed the nurses station, and I gurgled epidural at my nurse, who hurried to my room to start an IV. The resident followed her. I had the most agonizing contraction in the world, said fuck a lot, and almost turned the bed over. The nurse talked me through 2 more that followed back to back, and I managed to breathe through them. The resident checked me, and said it was time to push.

I went from 6.5 to 10 cm in about 30 minutes. No wonder that hurt so bad.

My water broke, full of meconium, and it was nasty.

I pushed for 26 minutes. THE LONGEST, MOST HORRIFIC, AND HORRIBLY PAINFUL 26 MINUTES OF MY LIFE.

And then:

7 pounds, 5 ounces, and 21 inches long, born at 12:40 pm.

The big brothers stopped by after school for presents and chocolate cigars.

And now? We are a family of 5.

OMG!! 40 3/4 weeks pregnant!

2011-09-07T10:28:00.004-05:00

You guys this s all my fault for being so smug and thinking I would have the baby mid-August.

I know this.

And Harry getting teary-eyed at kindergarten drop-off is my fault for being so smug about him never once ever crying in 3 years of preschool.

I know this, too.

Also, I have spent the most ridiculous amount of money since I was about 37.5 weeks because I have nothing to do but shop either online or in person. Today, I just rounded out my post partum wardrobe with everything stretchy I could find at Old Navy. So having the baby will be good for my budget.

I am losing weight because I no longer have room to eat food.

I was horribly uncomfortable over Labor Day weekend, but I am okay now. Just bored. I keep having contractions, some of them so intense that I get out my iPhone contraction timer app and then THEY TOTALLY GO AWAY. Not cool. For a week.

Look at the size of my stomach:

Jack is really funny these days. He and I went to Target for a hot drink this morning after we dropped Harry off at school, and he was so cute and chatty and helpful at Old Navy. Here are a couple of random Jack videos from the last 2 days:

OMG!! Kindergarten!

2011-09-01T19:44:00.012-05:00

Harry was such a sport posing for a million pics this morning

(still super pregnant. yes)

We walked to school

Harry was brave outside, but he seemed really freaked out when we left.

He was happy to see outside when school ended for the (long) day

Brothers! Reunited!

And then we went home for chocolate chip brownies. Harry said he cried a little because he missed us.

This is his back pack which cracks me up because it looks so official and only holds a lunch box and a water bottle.

I really don't know how to process kindergarten. I hope the public school system doesn't fail this kid, you know? And if there's trouble, I hope we can recognize its signs soon enough. We told him he had the nicest teacher in school because he was so freaked about school, but what if she's mean to him? Will he feel like he can tell us?

To change the subject, here's a picture of our last day of summer vacay. The grass is finally long enough for the kids to ruin it with the sprinkler, and they gave me quite the Big Time Rush karaoke concert. See?

Apparently, this baby wants us to pay a million dollars for an extra year of fancy schmancy preschool

2011-08-31T07:36:00.002-05:00

Because if he wants to start kindergarten when he is 5, he needs to make an appearance by tomorrow at the latest. And judging by the fact that I have nothing going on labor wise, I feel like he is going to miss the cut off. Damn it.

I reached my own toes yesterday and was so excited at the feat (ha! feats! feet!) I did a DIY pedicure that turned out awesomely.

You know what being pregnant an extra 10+ days than usual gets you? FUCKING STRETCH MARKS. I am so pissed. It looks like a tiger might have scratched my back and hips and yesterday? Fuck it all, there was a scratch on my stomach. SO now I will never wear a 2-piece swimming suit again? Really? I have always had a couple small marks on my hips from fat college days, but they have always been hidden by my bikini bottoms. Now there's nowhere to hide, and I am so MAD.I bought some Bio Oil at target yesterday, so maybe that will help?

I had a babysitter yesterday while Ben taught a late class (he has about 5 weeks this semester where he leaves in the afternoon and doesn't come back until like 2 days later (except after the kids have gone to bed). Sucks. Anyway, while the babysitter was here, I went to Target and just walked around throwing random crap in my cart. Like stretch mark oil and DIY pedicure supplies. So glam.

I need to get H's first day of school clothes ready(Pirate polo from Gap Kids, gray shorts from Gap Kids, Sketchers Secret Lights shoes that he has been DYING to wear for weeks) and make his requested after-school snack on the off chance I miraculously go into labor and can't be home tomorrow, which would be terrible because it would traumatize him and would be wonderful because then would get to meet this baby who is grinding the hell out of my bladder. Oh. Also need to pack a school lunch and cross my fingers that he figures out how to buy milk in the cafeteria.

All I want to do is eat stuff and buy stuff, but today, I think I am too cranky and tired to go anywhere, so unless I online shop my fingers off, it looks like an eating day. When the babysitter comes over to handle dinner and outside playtime and bath, I hope to take a nap. Or maybe actually just go to bed. At like 4:30.

Did I mention also that I have horrible seasonal allergies right now? Made worse, no doubt, by the fact that outside my living room window is a huge field of WEEDS. As if the weight gain and the stretch marks (I am seriously enraged about the stretch marks-- I might as well have another baby now because my bounce-back chances are severely diminished) and the Shrek feet weren't enough, my nose is red, and my eyes are swollen into little slits.

See? I am a TREAT to be around today, huh? My kids are SO LUCKY to have me home with them.

39 Weeks and a Couple of Days.

2011-08-29T23:01:00.004-05:00

This baby is apparently very comfy in here because he doesn't seem ready to evacuate. Every night, I have contractions for a few hours and then nothing. Such a tease.

Today, Harry and I went over to his school to meet his teacher and drop off his supplies. He was wildly chatty. His teacher was lovely. There are only 17 kids in his class, and they all have their own lockers, which are as tiny and adorable as you might imagine.

When he starts school later this week, he'll go ALL DAY 5 days a week. Totally crazy. All-day kindergarten is the only option in this district, but it seems like a lot of school for a little guy.

As much as I want to have the baby, I also want to be there for Harry's first day. I found an adorable photo pose on Pinterest which involved the purchase of a small slate, and I have already promised to make Harry chocolate chip brownies for his very first kindergarten after school snack. (I also got healthier snack ideas on Pinterest for later-- on the first day, he gets whatever he wants).

He was so relieved to find tons and tons and tons of toys in his classroom-- I think he was under the impression that kindergarten is all work all the time. He was also thrilled to discover that his class gets to play on BOTH playgrounds. The teacher asked him if he had any questions about kindergarten, and he tipped his head back and thought about it before asking, "Can we play on the big kid playground during recess?" When she said yes, he said, "Oh good. I have been so worried about that."

Well then. Sounds like he's going to be fine.

39 weeks. Nothing happening down there.

2011-08-26T11:14:00.007-05:00

My kids were perfect little angels at the OB today, despite waiting for over an hour to see the doc. It helped that I doled out the Clif's Kids Z Bars and Twisted Fruit ropes (have you tried them? All dried fruit; no sugar; and organic!) and they each had their own iPad to play with. WHATEVER WORKS.

My doctor, it turns out, was so late because he has a brand! new! intern! trailing along, and mine? Was this kid's first cervix. (I figure I should let anyone in there who wants to check it out and the rammier the better-- let's get this show on the ROAD).

I am not quiiiiiiite 2 centimeters, which means THERE'S NO ACTION YET. My doc said my cervix is not favorable for an induction (which I didn't even ask for-- he probably just looked at my cankles and my gyrating stomach and KNEW), but not to despair, I could still go into labor at any moment. Also, he'll see me next week. NEXT WEEEEEEEK????? I have a 40-week appointment? This is unheard of for me! Next week, H starts kindergarten in the morning, and I get to go see why the hell I am still pregnant in the afternoon. Kind of a sunrise/ sunset day.

The baby was super awake and active this morning. His heart beat sounded like a galloping horse, and he worked himself up to 180 bpm trying to dodge the doppler wand. But there's nowhere to hide in there-- a person who is 5'2" tall can only get so big, you know?

I am taking the kids to the zoo after lunch-- the day I went into labor with Jack I hauled myself around the zoo all afternoon. Who knows? maybe it was the sight of the giant tortoises mating that did the trick, or maybe it was all the walking. Either way, hoping for some big turtle love and a baby soon.

Still Pregnant

2011-08-24T07:27:00.011-05:00

Friday, I have a personal record-setting 39-weeks appointment with my doctor, and I have to bring both kids with me. When I scheduled the appointment, I thought Oh I will have totally had the baby by then, so it doesn't matter if I have no childcare. Hahahaha. The joke is on me. Also the doctor. And his staff.

I would ask him what the hell we can do about getting this thing out of me, but, you know, I am trying to avoid intervention. My gym is closed this week to get ready for their fall activity schedule, so I can't even try to exercise him outta here. Maybe later when the babysitter comes over, I can go for a walk. (yes, I am officially too pregnant to take care of my own kids past normal work hours when Ben is late).

But I have stopped looking at all his tiny little clothes and am using this as an opportunity to do a better job of filling out his "Dear Baby" journal before he is born. Thanks to the kids' love of drawing huge pictures in it, I am almost to the end, which makes him look JUST AS IMPORTANT as the other 2 kids, which of course he is. But still. I am paranoid that we won't have as much memorabilia as H and J.
Harry enjoys making silly faces for the camera

Sometimes when Jack has been playing unsupervised for an irresponsible amount of time and I realize I haven't heard a peep out of him, I run downstairs expecting danger! and chaos! and find him reading quietly.

Harry's favorite thing to do is to pretend that straws are wands (even though he has no fewer than 3 licensed Harry Potter wands), so he brings them home from restaurants and screams "Expeliarmus!"

We toured this house when we were building because we really liked the floor plan (almost built it in fact, but it was only 2000 square feet w/o a finished basement and because of the model-to-lot rules in our development, we couldn't find a lot with enough exposure to let us get livable space in the basement without having to dig out egress windows-- we wanted actual, big windows. So, long story short, we didn't go with this plan, although sometimes I wish we had because we planned it with a central vac, which I miss soooooo much), and because the house is still for sale, nosy Jack loves to check it out every time we go for a walk

So nosy.

Jack is just tall enough to put his moth and tongue all over the drinking fountain, but he tries so hard to get a drink, I can't stop him. Perseverance!

Jack is transitioning from baby to kid-- his legs are thinning out, and his feet have developed arches, but he still has a couple chub rolls on his arms and thighs. Jack was happily eating mac and cheese with his fingers the other night, but I advised Harry to use a fork because he is a big boy. "Me can do this," Jack said, shoveling a handful in his mouth. "Because me still part baby, right?" Right.

Thank goodness for garbage day because we have made a lot of trash this week. What gives?

If I haven't had the baby by Monday, I might try to go to work because that's when the faculty contract year begins, and I don't want tot have to use ANOTHER week of freaking sick leave just to lay on my ass and watch reality TV (thanks, state, for having such a sucky, sucky maternity leave policy, by the way. they'll hold my job for a year, but any time I want to take off has to be unpaid or out of my sick leave bank. blech.)

Hope one of these next few posts has a squishy baby in it.

Eclipsed

2011-08-23T11:48:00.006-05:00

My new camera has this creepy feature that allows it to automatically take pictures when it detects smiles. Or at least bared teeth.

It's really handy because I am forever missing my kids' smiles, and they don't even have to hold still-- the camera just clicks away when it thinks it sees a pleasant expression.

Harry has been having some trouble adjusting to our new house. He really misses our old house (he actually claims to still miss the Toyota Matrix I haven't driven since Jack was newborn also), and he is a little scared of this house. In the morning after breakfast, Jack trots happily downstairs to the playroom, but Harry prefers to hang in his room where there are no toys. Today he told me he just wanted to sit on his bed and pet his stuffed snake. So that's what he did, except he got super bored and could not resist bugging the crap out of me and Ben every 3 minutes.

I blame myself for reading him the first 3 Harry Potter books-- he seemed to be freaked out by them even though he loved them and all things Harry. (We decided to wait on the rest of the series because damn! That shit gets scary, so we have launched into the creepy ass world of Roald Dahl an are loving Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with big plans for James and the Giant Peach next. I bought a Dahl 6-pack at Costco, which cracked me up because OF COURSE I had to buy a half dozen-- it's Costco after all.)

He is also facing a huge transition in terms of kindergarten, which starts next week. Moving in sight of school helped calm my fears, but H is still freaking out, I think.

I know that most people go back to work when their kids start school, but back when Ben was still a 9-5er I was going to quit my job this year because Harry will be gone so much, and I wanted one of us to be completely available to him everyday after school. Kindergarten is full-day here-- no options. I am thrilled that either Ben or me will be able to bring the little kids to walk Harry home everyday and that we can volunteer in his class every week. Knowing we can do that makes ME feel better, but I think he is still a huge bundle of nerves.

He has a cute little North Face back pack, a couple of pairs of light-up shoes, a bunch of polos that are yet unstained and all his cute little school supplies packed up and ready to go. He's registered. We meet his teacher next week. We've snooped inside and shown him his classroom and the nearest bathroom.

But I can't help but feel as though this very special time for him has been eclipsed by the new baby whose arrival is (I HOPE) immanent. I hope I am not actually IN the hospital on his first day, that I can haul my fat ass onto the porch for more tentative smile pictures, that I can lumber across the street with him.

This blog always makes me remember when it was just Harry, the center of our universe. I am glad he got a solid foundation of adoration because I worry sometimes that he feels pushed out by his brother and his brother-on-the-way. Sometimes I feel like I don't have TIME for him to be nervous or patience because I just want him to realize how great things are right now. He's just a little boy, though, who wiggles his teeth all the time in the hopes that one will suddenly be loose and who has left the only house he's ever remembered and is a little scared of the dark and of noises and of leaving all his preschool friends.

Glad I have a camera that catches him smiling.

Holy shit. I am huge.

2011-08-22T19:52:00.005-05:00

Behold my hugeness:

In other news, my camera broke, and I took it to Best Buy to get fixed, but they had to send it away to the place where all good Canons go, and it;s going to take 2-3 weeks to come back to me. So I bought a new one! A super zoom! It's super cool!

So cool that Ben even took pictures of animals at the zoo with it, like this awesome alligator (or crocodile?) picture:

and this one of a polar bear taking a crap

Also some cute kid pics

Ugh. I think I am going to be pregnant forever. AND I got a terrible hair cut last week. My stylist was leaving for a vacation in Portugal later that night, and she clearly did not care about my hair, seeing as she cut some random layers and chopped my bangs to mom-length. I really hope it grows out okay, but the layers are so random that my pony tails look wimpy, which is not what I need when I am trying to balance out the size of my ass with big hair.

Ugh. Just want to record the reality of pregnancy in case we stumble across some other pictures and only remember the beautiful parts and get crazy enough to do this all over again.

Ugh.

Afternoon

2011-08-17T16:04:00.006-05:00

Harry brought home a Chinese dragon art project from school the other day and has been nagging me to do it ever since. I resisted because I freaking hate glitter glue and am an asshole but today, we had NO PLANS if you couldn't tell. So I flipped over the Lego top of the Lego table and got down his little box of markers and scissors, and Harry got to work.

He was happy with the results

And I took it upstairs to dry on the dryer unmolested.

Then he spent the next solid hour nagging at me to ask if it was dry. After spending the last 2 days nagging at me to do the craft.

After I put the laundry away, I assessed the dragon, and it looked mostly dry, so I brought it back downstairs where Harry started playing with it like it was an action figure and ripped it instantly.

Tears. Hysteria. Total lack of logic and incomprehension that a paper dragon is not really a sturdy toy.

So I fixed the damn thing and put it back upstairs to dry.

And now we are on hour number 2 of nagging at me to ask if it's dry.

AUGHHHHHHHHH!

We also played outside and at the park and that part of the day was not emotionally damaging for anyone:

Irony

2011-08-17T12:09:00.003-05:00

After I screamed at the kids to STOP SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER, I realized that the windows were all open AND the new neighbors were in their new driveway unloading a few things. Nice.

So we went to the gym where I enjoyed 45 minutes on the elliptical reading Redbook and the kids played with some friends on the playground. When I picked them up they were red and sweaty, and they ate lunch really well with only minimal bickering (Jack even ate a VEGETABLE-- sugar snap peas-- color me shocked).

As soon as I clean up the kitchen for the third time today (FML), we are going to the park. At this rate, maybe they'll be in bed BEFORE dinner...

You DON'T dress up like a Power Ranger to eat brownies at 9 am? Weird.

2011-08-17T09:19:00.003-05:00

Long day's jounrey into I hope somebody comes home soon but he's not due home until dinner SAVE ME!

2011-08-17T08:19:00.009-05:00

Today is the first day I have been home by myself with the kids in a long time. Holy crap. Kids can be really annoying. And it's raining. Of course it is. And as soon as the rain dries, our sprinklers will come on. So what I am saying is, outside is out for now.

Luckily, except for one kind of shitty day (no offense, kids) where I am on the hook for J and the baby all day and Harry from after school until bedtime (bedtime for 3 kids by myself? Sounds fucking terrible. I have a sitter coming between 1 and 3 days a week to help with bedtime depending on Ben's class schedule, which is kind of erratic), I am really not going to be doing a ton of solo parenting this semester at all. One half day with the baby, the aforementioned long day that's mostly just 2 kids, and a perfectly normal work-hour day with J and the baby and then all 3 for about an hour. BUT there are a few nights throughout the semester (about 16) that Ben has night classes, meaning I will be alone from crabby time until bedtime (hence the sitter).

Can you tell I am dreading it? I think it's because I have NO PATIENCE lately, and I cannot imagine that I will have more when I am totally sleep deprived. Also, we dropped J from 3 full days of preschool to 3 half days because all he does is take a nap in the afternoon, and one of us is home everyday anyway because of the baby. So, less childcare. And AGAIN, Ben's days home have more childcare than mine.

We are going to try to swing this precarious schedule for 4 semesters, until the baby is 2 and can start preschool, although we may be in the market for a 2-part-day-a-week nanny when the baby is 1, which would allow Ben to work more day classes and not teach at night anymore. Also, next year, J can go to 4K through the school district, which is 5 half days. We are committed, though, to being home with the baby sitter-free for a year, even if we have to figure out weird times to get all of our work done.

But really, the point of this post is that I have been dreading today for like a week because I haven't had to deal with the kids by myself for most of the summer thanks to year-round preschool, which is such a good idea! Because let's face it, at home they eat bowls of snacks and hang out with this a lot: (LIKE RIGHT NOW)

They really wanted to bake (from boxes because I am lazy), even though they look kind of crabby in the pictures), but we had finished that by 7:30 am.

Then they played some super heroes

Then as evidenced by the trail of bat costumes, they DRESSED like super heroes (I don't know because all I heard was dulled screaming while I mopped up the baking mess less than half an hour after I mopped up the breakfast mess)

Now they have abandoned super play in favor of other costumes and-- you guessed it-- a bowl of snack because eating at mealtimes is apparently for SUCKERS.

I'll keep you posted-- not because my day is thrilling but because I need virtual support.