Shitty Sundays. We often clean the house on Sundays, and when we have sports ball, our schedule gets squeezed, and I find myself using hot water to clean pieces of grime from between the floorboards in the kitchen at like 7:00, a time when I would rather be sitting on my ass on the couch with a mason jar of alcohol. And! I am a huge bitch about it, basically all day. Part of this is that I like rules and order and I fear what would happen if I skipped a weekly deep clean. In my mind, we would instantly descend into squalor, and there would literally be no return to clean living. Typing this out, I know it is total nonsense. And yet. So! Starting now, shitty Sundays are a things of the past. If I really feel like I can't be happy without cleaning the house, then we will shuffle our commitments. This might mean taking the long view of the weekend and scrubbing toilets on a Friday afternoon, or it might mean skipping a sports commitment or two or maybe it means taking a fucking Xanax and skipping wiping the fingerprints off the damn fridge (NEVER!). Not sure yet, but I AM sure that I am going to relax and enjoy the weekend. I clean because it brings me joy. There's no need to be Joan Crawford about it.
Shame spiraling. I am going to engage my book everyday of the week. I am going to act like I believe in my book. I am going to WRITE MY FUCKING BOOK.
You GUYS! Why did nobody tell me that you can do your hair in like 4 seconds with a stretch headband?! You just put the headband over your hair (not under it-- know what I mean?) and then you take your hair that's hanging out and literally cram it under the headband and it looks all twisted and awesome but it LITERALLY took two seconds. I could have looked WAY BETTER at preschool drop off for YEARS, you guys.
If you want your kids to play nicely together outside, DIG THEM SOME HOLES. IT IS LITERALLY THAT SIMPLE.
This month, I discovered 2 amazing and cheap products that turn my normal, rushed, no-time-to-myself shower into a freaking spa experience. I know that sounds sarcastic-- the freaking spa experience part-- but it's not.
First, this foaming conditioner:
It smells amazing. It feels like mousse and is easy to apply to JUST the middle and end of my hair. It's only $6, and it really helps my hair feel soft. Plus, I can let it sink in while I do other things.
Speaking of doing other things! This is THE BEST new face product I have tried lately.
It's a mask AND a scrub. OH MY GOD-- a way to combine my 10-step skincare routine and do more masking. It doesn't activate my rosacea, and it makes my skin feel amazing. Also, it is $4 AND I can use it to exfoliate my feet. In the shower. At the same time. TOTAL SPA.
Burgers, fries, veggies and dip
Frozen mini corn dogs and other terrible things the children like to eat. (I have a meeting).
Deli sandwiches, plasta salad, slaw
Make Your Own chicken salads, French bread, brownies (because this was a huge hit last week)
Chicken again, this time with couscous
Hockey party for Ben and Harry, Panera for everyone else.
I love a week when I PLAN to throw diner together. Ha!
In exactly one month, my fat, dimpled Wisconsin ass will be nestled in the sand of a sun-kissed (FINGERS CROSSED FOR SUN because I don't have enough wrinkles, you guys) Florida beach because SSSSPPPRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGG BREAK.
And, I think the magic of intermittent fasting is wearing off because I spend my 8-hour feeding window constantly eating, which is not how that's supposed to work AT ALL.
I will spend the next 30 days:
1. Exercising for 30 minutes everyday
2. Doing tricep exercises for the old bat wings: at least 100 reps with my kettle bell everyday
3. Logging into that bastard My Fitness Pal and tracking my calories.
This is in addition to the 5 days of exercise and intermittent fasting *16/8 everyday*) that I am already doing as part of my routine. Hopefully when the time comes to stop wearing cozy sweaters and fleece-lined leggings, my arms and calves will be ready to go! No diet in the world will help my tummy and thighs, but I am almost 40 with 4 kids-- I look pretty damn good, all things considered.
Anybody else want to team up for some low-effort, short-term beach body prep?
Actually, the finally part was news to us because he has never really mentioned wanting to before, but now he kind of does want to, I guess. Which means what? GOALIE CAMP ALL SUMMER? Or something like that. The kid is really truly NOT AFRAID of the puck. So, there's that.
Dorothy got to be Child of the Week at school this week, and she was THRILLED to spend her Sunday morning doing homework and assembling all of the things. Like her mystery box item. Can you believe that no one guessed that hiding in the box was Noodles the Pig Who Goes Moo?
She was also thrilled to crawl under Cooper's bed and evict all of the things that don't belong there, so maybe she just thrills easily?
We took a little spin around Target so she could pick out a new outfit that was ostensibly for the first day of child of the week week, but she likes it so much she plans to wear it all of the days. In a row.
She spent literal hours making her poster.
A materpiece for sure
Every time I try to take a picture of her, this is what I get:
Okay you guys. I have recently discovered Insta stories, and so, most of my pics will have text on them basically for the rest of forever.
I was SO AMAZINGLY PRODUCTIVE Tuesday morning.
I worked on my book
Packed a bag of amusements for Dorothy because Ben had to bring her with him to Jack's Book Bowl competition
and cleaned all of the bedrooms and bathrooms before I left for work at 8:30 (and I dropped Dorothy at school on my way). TOTAL mother of the year for realz.
But I knew I was meeting a good friend for a delicious lunch-- maybe that was my motivation
It started with Jack, 5 days before Valentines Day.
High fever. Positive flu test. Prescription for Tamiflu.
The urgent care pediatrician told us he had been contagious for a week before he started showing symptoms so we were all basically screwed. But I sprayed everything with Lysol and cooked a huge vat of chicken soup and tucked Jack in his room with TV for Netflix and Prime and an iPad to text us if he needed anything. Harry moved to the basement couch for a few days, and we all just sort of crossed our fingers and hoped for the best.
Tamiflu was miraculous for Jack. No side effects at all, and it knocked out his fever in 24 hours. He was fever-free all day Sunday, but we kept him home from school Monday and Tuesday just to make sure. We trotted off happily to his Valentine parties on Wednesday, and all was well.
And then, on Thursday, both Dorothy and I were sick with coughs and fevers by mid afternoon.
But never fear-- nurse Beatrix was ON THE CASE.
Boo for fevers, but yay for snuggling on the couch.
And also in bed.
And now! Jack is done with his Tamiflu, but Dorothy has her very own prescription, and Harry and Cooper scored prophylactic Tamiflu scrips of their own because of asthma and heart issues.
I think we're all healthy now? WHY DID I EVEN SAY THAT? Although I still have a truly ridiculous cough.
Also, harry and I saw Black Panther, and you should, too.
On Saturday night, the refs cancelled on Harry's hockey game, so the caches declared it a parents-versus-kids scrimmage ad said siblings could skate, too. Ben and Harry ad Jack and Cooper were on the ice before you could say BROKEN TAILBONE
I love Harry's pink laces-- you can always tell which one he is
This was as loud as you imagine it to be.
NBD, Dorothy ad her 8 year-old friend were all over the scoreboard.
Ben kept telling Jack to skate faster and then the next day he got a flu diagnosis. OOPS.
Dude! I am wrinkle-free and white-toothed in a hockey rink-- what gives?