Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Giant Bloody Mary and Girl Scout cookies for dinner.

Dorothy loves Beatrix so much.  It's the cutest.
We had a lovely, low-key day today.
  But then, Dorothy took a 37-minute nap.


I think she hates me.

At basketball tonight, I dumped Jack;s entire huge water bottle in my purse, which was SO ANNOYING but might have helped the giant purple ink stains in the bottom of the bag wash out a little.  And none of the iPads or my phone got hurt and my library book did not get wet, which is good because our library makes you buy the book if the tiniest bit of moisture touches the pages.
 Dorothy and Cooper had some shit food and screen time while Jack played and Ben coached Harry;s team in a scrimmage against a super good team who OBLITERATED them.
 Dorothy took off her shoes and got comfortable, and I drank so much of her shake that I hd to count it on My Fitness Pal.
 After the kids went to bed, I ate Tagalongs, and Ben made himself this meaty drink.

I hope baby 37-minute-nap sleeps for the next eleven hours.

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Cold and flu season, part one million

Cooper came into our room at 11 last night complaining of ear pain.  We gave him some Tylenol and he slept with Ben (SEPARATE BEDS ARE THE BEST EVER), and the worst part of the whole night was that we had to turn off Gross Pointe Blank (BEST MOVIE EVER) and switch to less inappropriate network blather.

Today was my WOH day, so I was glad that Ben was the one who had to take him to the doctor because he is super constipated and has been complaining of a tummy ache for a week, so I figured we could get that looked at, too, and I wouldn't have to deal.  Also!  Dorothy has had a fever since Saturday, so we figured she could use a check, too.

But the only appointment was at 4 tonight, and Ben needed to take Harry to hockey at 5, so guess who got to leave work early and take 3 kids to the doctor?  YUP.

(Ben has to go on the ice with Harry or captain ADHD doesn't perform well. That's the biggest intervention we make for his ADHD, by the way-- Ben is a coach of all of Harry's sports teams.  It is high maintenance but SO MUCH BETTER than any sort of medication.  The other day, I had a department meeting, and Ben had to take all the kids and couldn't skate and when he left everyone eating shitty fast food and stepped into the rink to check on Harry, he saw him doing an arabesque instead of a drill and punching 3 kids in the face,  In a 30-second window.  So.  (Hockey is a sport where punching people in the face just sort of happens sometimes, so it's not as insane or aggressive as it sounds, but when he told me that on the phone, I died laughing because SERIOUSLY.)).

Anyway, I spent an hour in a tiny room with 3 kids. During cold and flu season.  IT WAS SO FUN.  Everyone was so rowdy that after the doctor swabbed Dorothy's throat, he offered to take all the kids with him to the lab to give me a break, and none of the little traitors wanted to go.  So instead, we all hung out together until I got the results on my phone app 5 minutes before the doctor came to tell me she was negative.  But Cooper!  He definitely had a raging ear infection and the doctor said maybe strep, too, given the condition of his red spotted throat, but Coop was spared a swab since the ear infection guaranteed him some drugs.  Fun times.

Then we drove all the damn way across town to the 24-hour Walgreens by our house and even though it took almost 30 minutes in rush hour traffic and even though everyone was starving and really pissed off about it, the meds were not ready for pick up upon our arrival.  OF COURSE.

Let me just say, our PTO board meeting tonight felt like a date night.

 How we found Cooper when we got home from our meeting:

Monday, March 02, 2015

Haircuts! Finally!

 Apropos of nothing, Cooper accosted me while Ben was gone last week and said, "Mommy, I need haircut place for a haircut and a lollypop."  I promised him we would go as soon as Ben got home, but we have a ton of stuff to do on the weekend-- sports, housework, grocery shopping, House of Cards, etc-- and I didn't squeeze in a trip until Sunday afternoon just 40 minutes before Sports Clips closed.

Ironically, Cooper was the most clean cut of everyone-- the only kid who probably didn't even need a haircut.  Luckily, though, the other 2 ragamuffins wanted to go too.  HARRY WANTED A HAIRCUT.  I almost cried tears of joy, but instead, I fishtail braided my own damp hair, grabbed my car keys, and crammed everyone into the van before he could change his scraggly-mop-covered mind.

Jack told his stylist he wanted Aaron Rodgers hair, by which I think he just meant really short.
 Cooper sat completely still and terrified, like he always his when he gets a haircut.  When the stylist asked him how old he was, he flashed three fingers from under his robe and then crammed his hand back under the cover.  When she brandished her pomade and asked him if he wanted a mohawk or if he wanted it spiked up, he made eye contact with her in the mirror and mouthed "spiked up."  He is the shyest ever.
 This was only part of Harry's shorn locks.  HE HAD SO MUCH HAIR.
 Here they are after.  Harry needed a cut that could be slicked back because he is writing a report on Mike Ditka, and he has to dress like his subject for a big presentation to all of the third grade and all of their parents.  I think that was the entire impetus for is haircut need, but I don't care.  I'll take any reason!
 Without blow dry and shellacking, his hair really just looks like classic Kate Gosselin, and he is kind of attitude-y about it.  I helped him slick it back with newly purchased pomade and hairspray this morning, though, and he felt better about the whole thing.
No haircut for me, BTW.  I am back to my favorite super-sized top knot.  I feel like it offsets the size of my ass.

Sunday, March 01, 2015

February: What I Read

February was a pretty not bad book month, although I read more old stuff (and not old because it's a classic but old because I missed a few years of reading and these are like almost current but not quite) than I usually like to.  I am at 33 books for the year.

11.  Confessions of a Mediocre Widow by Catherine Tidd:  You guys, this book was charming and breezy and chatty.  But I don't know.  I just didn't quite love it.

10.  What the Lady Wants by Renee Rosen:  Fascinating history of Chicago but so poorly written.

9.  Invisible Ellen by Shari Shattuck:  Adorable but completely the chickiest of chick lit.

8.  The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler:  Sweet, but no We Are Completely Beside Ourselves.

7.  The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison:  Ugh.  Really intriguing, but so, so, so pretentious.  

6.  Three Wishes by Lianne Moriarty:  Not her best but still charming.

5.  Abroad by Katie Crouch:  This was thrilling!  You should read it, I think.

4.  Cambridge by Susanna Kaysen:  Lovely and engaging, another one to put on your list.

3.  Before I Go by Colleen Oakley:  I read this in 90 minutes at the library, and I cried and cried, which was embarrassing.

2.  Citizen by Claudia Rankine:  OH MY GOD.  This one you should read.

1.  The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern:  WOW.  I love a book that creates its own world.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Solo parenting is not my jam

Ben went out of town overnight-- OVERNIGHT-- and the wheels totally fell off our bus.  I am NOT CAPABLE of managing shit without him even for one night.

Jack had the stomach flu, BTW.  THE STOMACH FLU.

And Dorothy climbed out of her crib twice-- TWICE-- and had to sleep with me and only slept from 11-6, when she usually sleeps from 7:30-6:30.  The the next day the doorbell rang at 1:30, and she had just gone down for her nap at 12:45, and IT WOKE HER UP.

I mean, I was bitching and moaning abut the 24 hours of solo parenting when I thought everything would go normally.  Had I known that Jack would open the door to his room and hurl EVERYWHERE in our direction the moment I set down the pizza box and cupcakes for our Thursday night movie party in the family room, I would have never let Ben leave.  IT WAS THE PITS.

Also while Ben was gone, Dorothy and Cooper learned to FIGHT.  Like seriously fight.  What an awesome new skill **eye roll**
 A really unladylike trip down the stairs for princess Anna
 Dorothy is now super choosey about the PATTERN of her diapers.  She will ONLY wear Honest Company pink strawberry-print diapers, Honest Company pink tiara-print training pants, and the Ariel Pull-Ups that comprise 1/3 of the Doc McStuffins/Ariel/Minnie Mouse girl-flavored package.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  If her preferred pattern is unavailable, she would prefer to go without pants or just wear her shit around until you can get the right pattern, you moron.
 She was so cute on Thursday night sleeping with me, even though she ended up sleeping on my face.
 We both fell asleep reading.
Dorothy has been a great sleeper for the past year, but the ONE NIGHT I was on my own, she was horrid.  HORRID.  It made me realize I cannot ever take a good night's sleep for granted every again because that next morning was rough.  And then I drank 2 glasses of wine last night and geared up for a House of Cards marathon, and we made it through 1.3 episodes and passed out.  We are so, so cool.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


Look how cute and busy they were at breakfast this morning.  I bought H and J 3 workbooks each at Barnes and Noble last month, and Ben was really annoyed because we have a million workbooks with a few pages done (but not THESE), so we decided that the kids would do a couple of pages a day in each one, and they like to knock them out at breakfast.  It's cute.
 Jack came upstairs barefoot in his camo pants and polo, and I sent him downstairs for socks and a long sleeved shirt because it was a high of 7 today.  Joke was on me, though, because he crammed a sweatshirt under his polo and then had to tattoo his face because his arms were covered up, and all 3 boys were downstairs tattooing after breakfastl
 I will no longer edit his sartorial choices.  (But, I mean, he should wear socks in the Wisconsin winter).
 Harry needed a ponytail.  And he full-on dressed from his pajama drawer today.  I don;t think the Elf on the Shelf would have brought those pants on Christmas Eve had he known they'd show up all over town.
 It was nice to see his sweet little face today.
 I think Jack knew I was slightly making fun of them with the bookshelf pics because he snapped this hilarious one of me as my littlest monkey was screaming feet and leading me to the laundry room to help her put on some random tennis shoes.
 Coop got this one during his NOT NAP time when I was working on my newest feminist cross stitch.
 Coop watched Toy Story 2, or, as he called it "the one with the bad guy."
 Dorothy is so adorable-- sometimes I pick her up and have to stop myself from actually eating her.  It's good that she's so irresistible because she is such a mess maker!  She's a tiny little hurricane all day long.
 I packed these leftovers without using the little stainless container you're supposed to use for messy stuff, so tomorrow, look for pictures of Harry's wrecked bag.  IT'S SO EXCITING HERE.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Tuesday already for real??

This is a weird week because Ben has a conference, and I only get to log two days at the actual office and the rest at home, so I feel like I am scrambling a little right out of the gate.  

So, I last blogged on Thursday, and here is what we've done since then:  

Dorothy continues to look like an Olson twin
 Beatrix thinks she can get on my bed.  SPOILER ALERT:  No fucking way, dog.
 We asked Jack to take our picture before date night, and he climbed up on a chair and practiced holding the camera with a fake camera.
 I left my phone on the table for one second and then this was my FB profile pic.  Also, we had sushi that was so bad, I will never eat at that restaurant again.  And I will never eat sushi again.
 We had to go eat pie to get the taste out of our mouths.
 I also needed wine
 And Ben needed a Moscow mule.
 We finally got out the Osmo Harry got for Christmas-- it's really cool
 I made this awesome subversive counted cross stitch from an Etsy pattern and then bought 4 more patterns, so look out world.
 We played with this awesome 6-year-old house
 Some friends turned their house into a casino, which is super fun
 They also have a chalkboard wall which is Dorothy-approved.
 Harry and Jack pretty much dress themselves from their pajama drawer everyday
 Dorothy turned into a teeny teenager
 Beatrix IS allowed on Ben's bedding, says me anyway.