Tuesday, June 02, 2009

No Sleep for the Weary

I have insomnia again.

I had it when Harry was 4 months old-- it lasted months and was horrible. A living nightmare I couldn't escape because I couldn't find refuge in my bed anymore. It was awful-- can't even express how awful it was. My doctor wrote me a prescription for sleeping pills, but I never took them because I was afraid if I did and they didn't work, I would have no relief ever again. I got off the mini pill, and that helped. Eventually, I started to sleep again, and I read stack after stack of crappy thrillers between the hours of 11 pm and 4 am while I waited for sleep to come and regarded my sleeping baby as a ticking time bomb of need.

I lost some sleep when Jack was a few months old, too, and I saw a nice therapist who forced me to take my panicky what-ifs to their logical conclusions and suggested I try yoga. I did, and by the time Jack's colic went away, so did my stress, and sleep came again. We've all been sleeping wonderfully for months now, so imagine my surprise, shock, dismay, horror, etc when that douche bag insomnia popped in for a visit a little over a week ago. And the good for nothing asshole has been here ever since. And I have no idea WHY-- the other times I could easily blame post partum hormones, but what about now? This is the least stressed and most well rested I have been in YEARS.

I always sleep eventually, but the time between hitting the pillow and cosing my eyes gets longer and more horrible every night. (I am not a drama queen? Why would you go and say a thing like that?)

I am just a ray of sunshine today, huh? Be lucky you don't live with me.

So, I have been completely worthless these days. I am not working per se, but I still have a babysitter. While she's with the boys, I stroll the mall alone. Or go to the library. Get my nails done. Sit in my office and check the tiniest, most insignificant items off my to-do list. Complain about how hard it is to be me to my husband who is actually at work doing work things and getting paid for them and who might think that I am sort of a pain in the ass-- can you ever imagine why?

Jack and Harry looking stony in their wagon

Who doesn't like frozen pizza and ice cream for dinner?

On Sunday, we purged all of our closets, and Jack and I had fun playing in the refuse. I kept both of these hats because I am a bad purger.

Harry was playing happily in my room while Jack napped and I lolled around on the internet (my life is haaaaaaard), and I looked up to find this odd assortment of guys.

Including this one, whom I love so much but could probably love even more if I could just close my eyes and go to sleep.

7 comments:

Becca said...

Oh yuck, so sorry about the insomnia! What you said about a sleeping baby as a ticking time bomb is so dead on. Ugh, that is the worst--you're afraid to sleep.

I hope it improves soon. And I need a babysitter, NOW.

Tripod said...

Oh, no. Sorry

Anonymous said...

must be something in the air ( moon phase)...I'm having the same problem lately...Bomma

Cathleen said...

Ugh, I am so sorry. I have fought insomnia off and on for the past few years. It is so terrible. I personally love prescription drugs but understand that you don't want to take them. Have you tried chamomille tea? Sometimes that helps me relax before bed. Also, some of the herbal supplements like melatonin and valerian are good. I think I have tried everything over the years!

AJU5's Mom said...

Ugh! I can't stand it when it takes me an hour or so to fall asleep. Hopefully something will change and you can sleep better soon.

Has your activity level changed any? I have heard that exercise can help you sleep...

Amy said...

I have no problem falling asleep, it's the 574 times I wake up each night that annoy the living hell out of me. Must be pregnancy hormones on my end, but damn, it's so annoying.

Maybe it's like infertility and if you "just relax" you will magically fall asleep easily. Bwahahaha. Because we all know "just relaxing" is the key to everything.

Stephanie said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry! :(

Love the superheros though.