Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Rant

I have breastfed for 6 months (and 11 days).  Phew!  Halfway there.  Though when I say it like that, the next 6 months loom long.  One day at a time, right?  Cooper has been my most difficult breastfeeder, mainly because he won't take a bottle.  Harry ate pumped milk and a tiny bit of formula (and nursed happily for 18 months), and Jack was all fake milk by 8 months old (note: this is not what I'd like to have happen-- I am just saying BFing is hard this time). 

Coop and I are never apart for more than 3 hours, and while this is lovely, I am sitting on 2 journal articles that I'd like to submit in the next 2 months and I have NO TIME to work on them.  My Cooperless hours are eaten up by classwork and committee meetings, and while research is not part of my job, I'd like to do it anyway.

It's not just the intensity, though.  I mean, I actually LIKE the intensity.  I LIKE my baby, and it's delightful to be with him all the time.  What really makes this the most difficult breastfeeding relationship I have experienced is the cyclical milk problems I have.  It's maddening to suddenly wake up with almost no milk or a painfully (for him) slow letdown, especially when the previous day featured textbook perfect nursing.  It really throws me for a loop.  And because it coincides with crazy hormone fluctuations, I don't handle the stress very well of not making enough milk for a baby who only likes my milk fresh from the tap.  Last week, for example, I got super pissed at Ben for not buying turkey at the deli counter and walked 6 miles home from Whole Foods.  In TOMS.  (Well, Ben picked me up 2 miles from home because I ran out of sidewalk).

Cooper is growing and gaining beautifully, though, and he is interested in solid foods more and more everyday.  His pediatrician said it was okay to let him eat YoBaby yogurt, which he loves and finds really filling.  That should help us next week when I expect another shortage.  I can also eat chocolate in reasonable quantities, and I cannot tell you how excited I am about that.  I think it may help me lose weight because I think I have been eating and eating and eating in an attempt to feel satisfied, but without chocolate I just can't.  I love sweets.

In other weight loss news: oh crap it's almost swimsuit season.  All my shorts fit like hot pants.  I'd like to lose 20 pounds.  I did crunches for the first time in over a year yesterday. Instead of a 6-pack, my stomach looks like a keg.  Waaaaaaaaaaaah.

I feel much better with all of this out of my system.

Ice cream season, at last:




3 comments:

Kim said...

Okay, so I admit I laughed out loud at you walking home from the store. And it is funny to me because OH MY GOODNESS - isn't it so easy to hate your husband when there are 3 little tyrants running your life? How did #3 bring on all this extra stress and work??? #3 rocked my world. And we are still trying to recover - 19 months later.

Always here to listen and/or really scare you with stories of our last 19 months and where we really are today. Actually, you may not want to know that. :)

Becca said...

I totally get that torn feeling between cuddling the sweet baby (good, so good, for everyone!) and getting something done professionally (also good! for everyone!). I hope you get some resolution soon.

sarah said...

Girl, breastfeeding is HHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRDDDD! It just is. Yes, its "natural" and its "best" and "women have been doing it for 1000s of years" and "its what your boobs are for" and all that jive,but IT. IS. HARD. You're super woman in my book for keeping to it and dealing with the hormonal and emotional ramifications--it can be soul-sucking, I remember.

I love that you got pissed and tried to walk 6 miles home over some deli turkey. You're my soul mate.