For work reasons, Ben and I both would love it if I could stay pregnant until March 8th. Since this is still 10 days before my "guess date," and Coop was a 41-weeker, I think this is a good goal. Ben has speeches in his comm class, and I have 2 parts of my students' final research paper coming in on Feb 28 and March 7 that I would like to grade before I have a 4th child to juggle.
BUT, I am 37 weeks-- full term!!!!-- on Monday, not 36 like I said last time, so, really, we need to be prepared to have the baby at any moment.
Unlike my last pregnancies, though, I am not in a hurry for this one to end. I will miss feeling her bounce and kick and roll in there. I will miss having such a taut stomach (seriously-- it's all jello belly again as soon as she's out). I will miss the shape of my body and the way even the most lazy task-- lying on the couch eating Taco Bell and reading natural birth books, for example-- feels special because I am also GROWING A PERSON while I do it.
Amazing birth partner (he would reject that label because he is not a guy who wants a doula to feed him a sandwich, and I think he would rather gnaw off his own arm than climb into the birth tub naked like a guy I saw on Baby Story last week) that he is, Ben solved all of my birth fears the other night without even trying. I looked up from my HypnoBirthing book (which? really? surges? no pain at all? no pushing? I am going to try these visualization and relaxation techniques because I remember the panicked tensing I would get at the start of every contraction from about 7-10 cm because I knew what was coming, and I do think it would be more comfortable if I could stay relaxed and limp) and asked for reassurance that everything would be all right, and he gave me the weirdest look. He said he thought I was manufacturing a problem, and I got all pissed off, but then he went on to say that I was so calm and in charge during Cooper's birth and it didn't seem to be a big deal at all (ha! HAHAHA!), so he could not understand my anxiety. When I realized he wasn't fucking with me, I felt tons better.
He also reminded me of my 2 favorite things about Cooper's birth: 1. Our nurse thought Ben was extremely NOT FUNNY. Every time he made a bad joke, she ave him the most awful, withering look. I forgot about that, but it was delightful even at the time. When he told me to man up, I thought her head would explode. 2. When I was all set up and ready to push with the lights on and the bed elevated, I wasn't having a contraction, and it was SO AWKWARD to be lying there with my ass in the face of 2 doctors, who were staring at it under bright lights. I said, "So, um, what's everybody doing?" They were shocked that I was making a joke during a med free birth, and I was so proud of myself for having my shit together enough to feel self conscious. This sounds like an odd hallmark of a successful birth experience, but go with me.
We also want the baby to stay in because THIS GUY, this skeptical little shopper in a taxi cart (we are having some heated double stroller debates-- Cooper freaking hates strollers, but how the hell do you wrangle 2 under 2 w/o a containment device for both?) is going to be a big brother?!
It is both terrifying and thrilling that by around this time next month, we will be done with pregnancy, you know?