Oh you guys. I finally stepped on the scale.
I have been dreading it because my pants are all too tight. My shirts ride up and pull in the arms, and I have cellulite on my STOMACH.
Since last year at this time.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So, I have instituted what I call the Anthropologie diet. From now on, for every 5 pounds I lose, I am going to buy whatever the heck I want at Anthro--one item for every 5 pounds. Since I now want to lose THIRTY FREAKING POUNDS instead of the much more reasonable sounding twenty pounds. I AM GOING BACKWARDS HERE, PEOPLE.
I decided to kick it off today by stopping there on my way home from lunch with some friends (MY LIFE IS SO HARD). I bought a really cute flowy little blouse (in a size small-- THINGS COULD BE WORSE) on clearance and fell in love with a full-price little ruffly number that I hope to buy in 7-10 days.
At lunch today, I ate salad with everything but the vegetables on the side and only used about half of the balsamic vinaigrette, none of the walnuts and none of the blue cheese. I had a side of Brussels sprouts and a million glasses of water. Breakfast was an English muffin and an orange. I had an apple for a snack and a huge bowl of turkey soup with veggies and spinach dip for dinner. I have eaten 6 Lifesavers (90 calories), 5 mini Hershey bars (210 calories) and some pirate booty out of the kids' bowls before I realized how much weight I have gained (130 calories). All told, that's 1330, and 430 of them were total garbage. Ben is making an amazing cheese, apple, and sausage snack for him and Harry to eat while they watch the Clemson/Alabama game, and I have to be on a different level of the house. That's how hungry I am.
I am back to wearing my damn Fitbit and using My Fitness Pal without cheating. My goal is to burn 1000 calories more than I eat everyday. This was easier in the early fall when in was possible to go outside without crying from the cold. Right now, I have only burned 2100 calories today, so I am going to hop back on the elliptical for a little while. I'd like to make it up to 2600 a day, so I could eat more food. At the very least, I need to spend my calories more wisely-- all the junk food today took up room that I could have given to celery and peanut butter, string cheese, almonds, things that would make me feel full and not just sad.
But the biggest thing is to not let the kids know I am trying to lose weight because I don't want them to think that bodies are bad. Dorothy and Cooper saw me doing crunches today and asked what the hell was going on and I said I was doing exercises to make myself stronger, and they did them too. And they have never seen me do crunches because it has been like 4 years. I HAVE CELLULITE ON MY STOMACH. Gah.