It just sucks.
And! I am having a really hard time actually HAVING a miscarriage. I have scheduled a surgical consult for a D&C next week, but that's just the consult. Who knows when I will be able to have the actual procedure? And we might have to tell the kids because the whole thing is running into our spring break trip.
I wish our culture talked about this more because I want to know that my experience is normal. Or that it's not-- either way. I know a lot about reproduction but almost nothing about this.
(Side note: When we were talking to the OB in the Bad News Room, she noted that I seemed knowledgeable about the terms she was using and asked if I was a nurse. I explained that I wrote my doctoral dissertation about Planned Parenthood. Ben only heard my side of the conversation, so he had NO IDEA why I would be mentioning that and just thought I was some kind of weird braggart. It was pretty funny. Ben has been pretty good about being funny but sometimes his jokes make me want to kill him. Just a little).
But! Life must go on. I have work t do and parties to plan.
I LOVE taking Dorothy to the library. She's so sweet and rowdy, which is an excellent combination.
We had to stop by Harry's school for a state fair his class was putting on. Each kid did a report on a different state. Harry chose Alabama because sportsball. On the way into his class, we saw his locker and died laughing:
I was so committed to the Day Without a Woman yesterday. I wore red. I visited a local woman-owned bakery. Neither Ben nor I went to work. And! I crushed the patriarchy by boycotting gestation, even. I laid in my room from 3:30 in the afternoon through the night and did no house or child work waiting for the second dose of Cytotec to work its terrible magic. But it never did.
Seriously, I am so angry with Anthony Comstock right now. If he hadn't made birth control into pornography, Margaret Sanger wouldn't have had to relocate it to the clinic to buy respectability, and I could get a tincture from a traveling saleswoman or one of my friends would be growing some menstrual-cycle-restarting herbs in her garden or when you buy essential oils from a Facebook friend there'd be an oil that would help this interminable process. Gah. I want some closure here, you guys. No one ever told me that this could take weeks, and it's all just so sad.