I have, um, not enough time to do all of the work I need to do. So I have been getting up early and staying up late and, just, GAH.
Today a kid peed their bed in the middle of the night and then I slept through my alarm and Ben's alarm and an extra 40 minutes, and now I am typing this on the elliptical and don't know when I will do yoga and have to get dressed like a fancy person and make a presentation at work and GAH.
I also know that Ben is squeezed for work time because he just has more work than I do, and he is coaching 2 baseball teams right now while the seasons overlap. As a result, I am doing a TON of housework, meal prep, kid scheduling, and I don't WANT to feel resentful, but also that is VERY HARD.
I got 2 adjunct contracts for the next term, which is AWESOME but also makes me panic about writing my book. I took the first 2 weeks off in a really-guilt-free way, thinking I would adjust to all of our activities and then gradually add it back in when the other oranges and bowling pins were already spinning. But then, all we added in was dive team for Jack and tennis for Cooper.
It is so, so, so easy to justify not working on my book because I'm not getting paid for it/may never get paid for it, and there are so many revisions even after I finish draft. The other stuff? Keeping the house clean, getting people where they need to be, reading the stack of library books that I obsessively organize by due date? Those have immediate results, you know?
I baked from-scratch cupcakes at 6:20 this morning for Jack's last regular season baseball game. I am actually going to my office today and speaking in front of/ to 100 or so people (my favorite thing-- for serious). We have worked out our kiddie activity juggle so everyone gets everywhere they need to be, even water ballet.
And yet. A room of one's own and all that goes with it, you know?